So Im the woman that posted about my ex subscribing to erectile dysfunction pills a while back. Im in the thick of the breakup. Moving in one month and just signed the lease to my new place in NY. None of this feels real right now. Of course he is being on his best behavior and making me question if Im making the right decision while my logical brain tells me I am. I guess I feel guilty for waiting until I had a signed lease to tell him anything andt that gives him ONE month to find a place. But the lease took a while and there were holdups.
Why does a part of me feel like I NEED to give two fucks about this? I Literally supported us financially through COVID, the apt hes in, I paid the deposit on and got by myself and he has the option of renewing the lease. He lost his main source of income from being a fucking asshole around a bunch of women because he literally weaponizes his moodiness primarily around women- NEVER around men? Yes he was great in a lot of ways and loved me, but he also was such a fucking asshole when he was upset at anything, could never be warm and inviting around my family, was never communicitive, moody and at times embarressing when he was angry or frustrated in public. He was also low key super codependant and clingy when convienent for him and instead of telling me he didnt want me doing things, he would just be a shit the entire time making it easier to just not do those things. I feel like I legit lost so much of myself in this relationship.
He knows the end is near and is totally love bombing me right now and Ive had a couple of moments of thinking MAYBE I SHOULD STAY. But I cant. I just needed to write this somewhere. I feel better already. God I will never ever ever live with a man again. EVER.
If you stay and settle for this misogynistic, unemployed, limp dick, convert narcissist of a man, it's a death sentence. It's a death sentence to your happiness to your soul and to who you are.
NVM can crush your soul and make you lose yourself entirely. Staying is choosing to be a shell of who you once were. You have lived many happy years without this man in your life. You will live many more happy years without him. So I urge you to see this as a binary situation. Short-term intense pain of leaving or the long term soul crushing pain of wasting more time with this man and losing more of yourself. The end result will still be a breakup.
Please stop feeling guilty. I've been through this and helped many women through this. The love bombing is a manipulation tactic to guilt you into staying for his own benefit. He needs your purse and a place to stay. He will go back to what he was if you give in. He will respect you less. And it always gets worse. Took me too long to leave. First thing is first put all your most important documents like passports, SSN, birth certificate, taxes in a bank safety deposit Things you can't afford to lose need to be out of the house ASAP. Larger things can go in a storage unit.
Get movers to take your stuff out when he's not there. And please be very careful. Men get violent when they know you're leaving. We all think it will never happen to us. I thought it would never happen to me but I'm lucky to be alive. He got fired for disrespecting women. I'll tell you from experience and data, misogynists at some point will get violent.
Run like the wind! I dated an impotent asshole many years ago, and they HATE women with seething rage. When their wiener doesn't work, they go CRAZY. In fact, many serial killers were impotent. They can't get off any other way than violence, and they ALWAYS blame women for their penis not working. They'll tell you that you're not pretty enough, thin enough, young enough, tight enough, etc. Basically anything to not look in the mirror. RUN! Being single is FAR preferable to a limp dicked pseudo man.
>> he literally weaponizes his moodiness primarily around women- NEVER around men
This stood out to me as something my ex would do (I also had way more money and competence in that relationship). The moodiness just killed my mojo and I didn't want to sleep with him, even though everything 'worked' and he's 'attractive' or whatever.
Gurl we don't know each other but I'm telling you: your life and future is waiting for you NOW. This life is hard and it's a struggle (NYC here too), but believe me, you are going to expand beyond your widlest dreams.
I hope you’re feeling better this week. I read your post as I am sitting in the lobby of my now ex-bf’s apt building waiting for him to bring down my stuff. I ended it this morning, after wasting time going to therapy with him two weeks ago bc I wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing. I was going to wait until. Sunday at our next session and do it in front of the therapist but decided, “fuck it” and just ripped the band-aid off.
I hope you’re breathing a sigh of relief. It will get better. It already has—he’s out of your life! ❤️