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On my last post I posted a part of my struggles that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It's a possibility that I might have ADHD and if so, after years of begging and telling my mother that I have felt that something was off with me and her denying that I'm perfectly fine, that psychiatrist will only send me a bunch of pills that will leave me emotionless and I will become addicted to them....I'm deciding to be put myself first and getting the help that I have needed for so long. I have my first appointment with a psychiatrist coming up and let me tell you...I'M TERRIFIED but happy. After reflecting for a while, I actually made a list of the things that I have noticed about myself but ignored. Hopefully this list can also help those who can also relate to me.
I tend to space out when I'm having a conversation with someone, even when I don't mean too.
I always want to rush everything
I'm never consistent with anything
I get bored constantly of things
I get distracted way too easily
When I'm studying, I will focus for a bit & then my mind goes somewhere else and when that happens, I force myself to focus again but then I end up doing the same thing all over again
When I was younger, my mom got told by teachers that I was too quiet and barely participated in class
Constantly overthinking and have too many racing thoughts on a daily that sometimes I feel like I can't control
I tend to talk super fast at times and if I want to explain something to someone, I end up not making any sense.
I have been called out at work multiple times for making careless mistakes when I don't do this on purpose
I tend to be very forgetful at times. I've forgotten my shoes at nail salons a couple of times, left personal belongings at ex house a million times, have locked myself from my room, etc.
Sometimes I tend to hyper focus and forget about everything else
I'm impulsive and end up regretting my actions. Ex: Spending money without thinking it through
I end up procrastinating and always have to rush when a task is due
I've been told I can get pretty moody
I have had low self esteem pretty much my whole life (I'm 25)
I've been on academic probation twice
If it helps you feel better about meds, I have two things: 1. Maggie above is spot on about stimulants. I’ve been on the same dose of adderall for 22 years. I’ve never been tempted to abuse it bc it just feels normal to me. It’s really hard to developed new habits and skills without it. After taking it for so long, most of my ruts have been repaired and I’ve been able to gain skills and routines so if I skip a dose of forget to refill it’s not such a big deal anymore. Which leads me to… 2. Antidepressants don’t have to be forever. Certain thoughts and habits that correlate with depression can become well worn pathways in your mind. Meds can act like a machete to clear a new path for you. I was deeply depressed due to a lifetime of untreated add and the stimulants + therapy couldn’t overcome my self esteem and other depressive issues. I continued therapy while taking Zoloft. I took it for a year and saturated tapering off at 9 months. It made it possible for me to be in the world in a different way. Once the new paths were forged it was easier to avoid the old ruts. I still struggle to express myself as clearly as I’d like but I think that’s just me and not the add! Meds aren’t forever. Also, the first one you try might not work. So don’t give up too soon. It’s the worst when you have to try a free bc it feels like it takes forever but the right meds absolutely changed my life for the better. Good luck, you are worth it.
https://youtu.be/lYD0Q4oMYXw