I follow the 'holistic psychologist' on Instagram. She just had a post about our most basic needs. It is her belief that we cannot be out of 'fight or flight' mode until we have the following;
core safety (shelter, financial security, functional relationships), a sense of belonging: friendships, knowing of your place, and an overall purpose. Equally important is an awareness of self and foundational self esteem.
This is based on maslow's hierarchy of needs. I thought it could be an interesting excercise to reflect on where I am on each point. I'm trying to get my life as foundational and powerful as possible. If any of you would like to share where you are on these points, it would be so interesting and inspiring. I'm gonna give myself a mark out of 10 and then elaborate.
Shelter 8/10 - about to move into my first purchased home. It'll be interesting to see how I feel when I'm in there because until now I've been living in a one bed that is a slumlord nightmare. Where we're moving is very much a huge leap forward. I'm so lucky
Financial security 1/10 - I am in a terrible financial situation. Poor decision making and planning. I have an infant but as soon as I can im going back to school to get a job that can get me out of this mess. Im also learning budgeting and it's helping a great deal
Functional Relationships 6/10 things are going well here. I feel im finally growing up and am able to be in my own power. I ask for a lot and I am outgrowing my toxic behaviours that have stayed with me since childhood. Eg. Staying silent and going into freeze mode when mistreated. Not any more suckas! I rock the boat now.
Friendships 10/10 im so lucky. I no longer want anymore friends. I have a very small handful and I don't need more. I used to want to be friends with everyone. I do not need to hoard people to see my worth. I do not need to be a billionaire of friends lol
Knowing your place: ?? No idea what this actually means so...0/10 please help with what you think this is
Overall Purpose 10/10 building a life for my kid that is everything I had as a child and more. I had: a lovely home, holidays, support and love (I know, I'm disgustingly lucky) what I didn't have: emotionally mature parents, help with managing my emotions.
Awareness of self 7/10 - im getting there but I still surprise myself with the unhelpful things I can do to get in my own way and distance myself from confrontation. Less shying away and more running at silence with a sledgehammer.
Foundational self esteem 5/10 - I have a good core due to my privileged childhood and loving parents. Since having an infant and being very poor for a long time, I need a lot of work here. I've found it helpful to work on my posture. Gradually work on my clothes ie wear stuff I don't feel awful in, try and stay on top of personal hygiene. Next step is to build a wardrobe I feel powerful in. I feel being seen very very very uncomfortable and I wish I didn't. For my inner self: keep speaking up for my own needs. Lean in to conflict and keep learning how to steady my nervous system.
Phew that was fun and helpful! I could go on forever. If you have time I'd love to read yours. Love from this cloudy grey day in a busy city x
Knowing your place? I dunno... maybe knowing where you (with all your skills and talents, likes and dislikes) fit into the world and 'the scheme of things'? For example, I'll never be the CEO of a multi-national - which is absolutely fine by me even though I did Business Studies at college. I had an aptitude for teaching and coaching and this is where I found my 'niche' in life. At the same time, when I had my own business, I just wanted to teach and coach and I hated all the constant marketing that went along with getting clients so, eventually, I went back to work for a company that paid me a salary and just sent me clients and I didn't have to work to get them.
Maybe it's knowing what you want/expect out of life and balancing that with what you're prepared to do to achieve it. And maybe that's something you only find out by living your life and getting to know yourself well.