Sometimes I just feel socially inept and I'm reaching out to you beautifully bad-ass, like-minded women for some advice.
I'm staying with a friend, we get along well, life is good.
I like going out. I like going out to eat, to museums, taking fitness classes, fillling my life with experiences.
Friend wants to join. Awesome, love it. I often do things by myself, certainly don't mind the company.
There's a bar I wanted to check out, did my research on bars in the area, this one had super cool vibes. Hadn't been out in a while and wanted to treat myself out. (At a bar, I have one or two cocktails maybe chat with the bartender, and then read a book, nothing crazy.) I invite her, she says yes--except she's taking a break from drinking for a couple months and wants me to wait.
I just...think that's ridiculous. Two months? I'm going to the bar, we can go again when she's done with her break. Nothing against taking an alcohol break, I just don't think I should limit myself because she's doing that.
Is this crappy of me? Is the first question, I guess.
I told her they also have mocktails, or she could go just for the vibe, but she wants to wait. I said sure, we'd go when she was done with her break, and I went to the bar by myself. She got her feelings hurt, I didn't mean that, but I don't want to wait two months to go check something out.
Similar thing happens, there's a restaurant I want to try. I do the research, I picked the restaurant, I invite her. She's excited, we go there, then she says it's too expensive and she wants to go somewhere else. I was annoyed--this was the restaurant I wanted to go to. Dishes were like $20-$25 a person, I didn't think it was that expensive, but now I know it's not in her price range.
So I'm feeling like in part, we have different views on what we value spending our money on. She wants to join me, and expresses hurt when I do things without her, but at the same time...she doesn't like the places I'm going!
How do I get through to her that I'm not trying to be hurtful, but there's a quality/class of place I like to check out, and if she's not down, then don't come, and don't try to prevent me from going! We can ALSO go to other, cheaper places, that's fine, but I don't think I should limit myself??
I'm just confused. What am I missing here?
If I knew someone was purposefully not drinking I would never invite them to a bar.
If I was staying with someone I would often pay for our entire dinner out, especially if it was 1 she could not normally afford.