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I suppose this could apply to other women of color as well but I wouldn't know as their experience isn't mine.
I spent my whole life attending predominantly white schools where the type or preference wasn't women or girls that looked like me. I believed this didn't affect me too badly as I've always considered myself objectively attractive and I was smart and kind and humorous and etc.
I am currently finishing my third year of college and while the one I attend is still a PWI the amount of attention I have received is drastically different. I feel that I am no longer constantly looked over and am now considered an option despite not changing much at all.
I am aware that many many many black women have felt this same way before and continue to do so and once they begin receiving this attention and male validation that they were deprived* of in their formative years whilst also watching their women peers receive it they tend to act out.
At this point in time I have a brilliant friend currently attending Harvard. She's just finished up her first semester but I'm worried about the stories she came back with. She has never been they type for casual sexual encounters going so far as to denounce it and now she's considering a threesome with two guys she's known for less than a month.
I feel that the sudden increase in interest from males has skewed her perspective and her self image and self worth. I'm not sure what to do or if there is even anything I could or should do. Maybe this is just a phase that has to be gone through...
What I've noticed is that men give attention to the women who are putting out. My best friend in college, a black girl, had WAY more male attention than me, and it's because I wasn't putting put. My white female roommate who's not very pretty in the face had tons of boyfriends, because she put out. If you've got the air of being DTF, you will get attention from all sorts of men regardless of your race. This is of course not the attention you really want if you're a good girl, but unfortunately for good girls, it was the "bad" girls at my college that settled down and had children. Men look for sex and find love. So if you're too good and not flirty and acting like you'll put out, you'll be overlooked by men. Men don't understand a woman who's shy and needs time to open up. They understand in-your-face sexuality and that's from porn, Playboy, and other programming. Getting attention from any kind of man is very simple. Be a wh0re. Men even marry strippers all the time. Good girls have been lied to and told men prefer good women, but they don't. The churches are FILLED with single women and NO men. The men were at the bar the night before and not church in the morning. I'd just ask my friend if having 3somes is really her idea, or is she just doing it for male validation? Many girls grow up feeling excluded from male attention and go hog wild at the first chance they get as if they missed something. But trust me, I watched my 11 year old sister be tricked by 25 year old men and made to cry. The less attention you get from males whilst you still believe in love, the better. Your friend should be shrewd with these men and keep her heart and body to herself. Let these men pay for dates and give them the illusion that they'll get sex. Then she might actually land a good one instead of having a wet ass and a dry purse after another lame encounter with a male that will ultimately hate her guts.
You're sweet to worry about your friend - you can probe by saying things like "I'm glad you're having so many adventures - what's prompted the change of heart?" to try and see who might be influencing her this way, or if something bad may have happened to prompt the acting out. I also want to ask is the attention specifically from Black men or men of all ethnicities? I also attended a verrrry prestigious PWI and unfortunately the gender ratio in the Black community specifically was extremely skewed, I'm talking 3 girls for every 1 guy and so the guys acted like complete misogynist psychopaths, constantly pitting women against each other and pressuring them into sex. A lot of regrettable shit happened because my friends and I were trapped in the college bubble and they were convinced that this was the ideal place to find that "Black love" relationship with an educated man who would have a good future. The men knew this, and absolutely took advantage of the situation. At one party, a divine nine frat that shall not be named even laced the punch they were serving. They had the women too busy fighting with each other to actually report them or stand up to them in any meaningful way. There was SA, drugging, and domestic violence, much of which is just coming out now that we're all in our 30s and healing/speaking out.
I'm becoming such a traditionalist when I hear of stuff like this (threesomes at Harvard part) Marriage then sex was a thing for a reason... Let people loose and we just fall farther and farther into depravity and senseless suffering.
Some young people are really naive to the emotional, mental and spiritual impact that having many sexual partners can have on a person. It shouldn't be taken as lightly as it is today.
If it were my black daughter doing this at a top school such as Harvard, I’d advise her to think of her image as to her career prospects in the future. It’s a small world. She could be working at Goldman or McKinsey in the future and the partners hearing of these indiscretions. Group sex is the kind of juicy gossip that has a long life. The point of the EliTe ScHoOl pedigree is to seem better than most. Seems risky to act out like this on campus and/or with classmates, in any capacity.