"To our generation, being a mom looks thankless, exhausting, and lonely. Can we change the story?
Birthrates in America have declined across racial and ethnic groups over the past 15 years, decreases driven not only by people having fewer children but also by those waiting to have any children at all, many deeply torn about the idea.
The very idea of becoming a parent has grown more politically fraught. Republican politicians are doubling down on explicit endorsements of childbearing, the kind that Democrats increasingly see as at odds with reproductive freedom and valuing families of all kinds.
On top of this, there is the well-documented aversion many millennials feel about making any sort of commitment, so conditioned are we to leave our personal and professional options open. One need not squint to see the connections to having kids — it’s the ultimate pledge, more enduring even than many marriages."
I'm not surprised. In the US, we don't even have mandatory federal maternity leave, children care, our work-life balance is shit, hardly any sick days or adequate PTO...it all depends on your employer. I'm jealous if other countries especially in Europe who have it better than we do in the states.
https://www.vox.com/features/23979357/millennials-motherhood-dread-parenting-birthrate-women-policy
I stated my hypothesis on a forum the other day: men have become increasingly more insufferable, hence the birthrates are dropping. Women that have a reliable and trustworthy partner will have a child regardless of other circumstances (despite high cost of childcare of whatever) IF the partner is capable and willing. But we all know that's rarely the case. And then most of the societal challenges are due to men being insufferable as well (policy makers etc.).
Comments I got on my statement: no, can't be, radfem yada yada. I tried arguing the hypothesis with an AI tool and I broke it. The tool went so far as to say that men who consume violent pornography aren't bad people.
Having been sold motherhood as this wonderful thing based on emotions, but never reality I think is another factor, women aren't buying into it anymore as easily since emotinal promises are empty and women are waking up on a grand scale that men suck more and more, and society isn't doing enough to support motherhood, yet the burden is placed on women to reproduce in order to keep society going.
You have to be blind, deaf, and dumb to want to bring children into this world. I'm not gonna sugar coat it for anyone here with kids... the time for that is over. It's about so much more than inflation for those of us who are paying attention.
Take one look at the world around you. Even if the child manages to be safe, accomplished and self sufficient on this dying planet, sick with hate and alienation, in a declining economy with a slow AI takeover, it's always at the expense of many less fortunate people.
Any sucessful person in a capitalist patriarcal herarchy is standing on the backs and in the blood of others, there is no way around that. Hardly any instustry is clean. These computers we are typing on, the clothes we are wearing, the food we eat left another womans children bloody and broken somewhere far far away. To contribue another disposable life to this society is to be completely out of touch with reality. It's the opposite of love. To be child free is a radical act against the commodification of yet another human life.
I don’t think anyone should be surprised. The main factors are economic and social.
The big, glaringly obvious one is that inflation is spiralling out of control and no one can afford to live— let alone have a child. We even see this effect in nature, if animals don’t have sufficient resources they dont have offspring.
The other major issue is that men are no longer behaving like grown adult men. Instead they want to be the princess in the relationship, and women arent having it.
To the surprise of no one...
Did you see Kim Jung Un crying at a press conference recently, pleading with North Korean women to have more babies? Pathetic. So did Putin, but no tears.
Oh, and the recent data released showing that boomers aren't helping their kids with the grandkids they demanded? they're spending all their money on themselves and travelling. Nothing wrong with that, but when you pressured your kids for grandkids that's pretty selfish.
Gee, I wonder why women aren't shitting out kids!? And that's to say nothing of the subterranean quality of millennial men.
Grateful to be childfree and single.
I agree with all of the economic points. Having and raising a baby is EXPENSIVE... especially if you want that kid to actually enjoy life and have some nice things and be well rounded.
But holy shit motherhood is absolutely thankless. We have males trying to "break gender stereotypes" by painting their nails and wearing more feminine clothing... why can't they break stereotypes by changing a fucking diaper more than twice? The labor of taking care of a baby still rests largely on womens shoulders. And it absolutely goes unnoticed because that's what mothers are "supposed" to do. As well as cook, clean, AND have a fulltime job.
Women have come a long way in the roles we've broken into, men have not kept up with us and we are the ones suffering for it.
I believe the same trend is happening across other countries too. Women with rights and education have fewer children, which says a lot about childrearing.
I also wonder if it has something to do with birth control. Many women I've spoken to had no maternal feelings until they became pregnant - my mother included.
I am 32 and cannot imagine having a child. Even with a responsible partner doing their share. I earn a six figure salary and live in a high rent area and stay in a 1 bedroom apartment. My current financial goals include maxing out my 401K, increasing income so my rent is less than 30% of my after tax income, and achieving 1 year of expenses divided between my high yield savings account and US savings bonds. And having additional money so I can travel to see family, afford a nice vacation once per year, and tackle unexpected expenses.
So financially, I feel like it isn’t responsible though I realize I’d also count on another persons income. I also admit I could lower my standard of living and move to some suburb or get a roommate. Which sounds super unappealing.
But even doing so, then I have to examine my time. I have severe ADHD and struggle a lot to keep up with chores and work related duties. I feel like I am often struggling to follow through on work assignments. For me - having a child is simply the irresponsible move. There is no way I can juggle that responsibility with work and household duties. I also have hobbies I want to take on that seem more fun than taking care of a baby.
ALSO - my parents at some point will need caregiving (dad is disabled and mom takes care of him). If something happened to my mom, then hiring a caregiver is super expensive if you don’t want to do it yourself. So on top of everything, I have to make sure that I am in a position to financially support them if their retirement runs out and they need caregiving (and I don’t want to do it).
Let’s not forget about healthcare and how a simple surgery can fuck up your finances forever if you don’t have enough savings.
The list goes on ….