Women are brainwashed to believe that prioritizing oneself means you suddenly become the villainous narcissistic mean antagonist in the movies (thanks Hollywood) that bullies the "selfless and golden-hearted" (code: doormat) protagonist -- and you are doomed to a life of misery and pain.
You are made to believe that if you struggle enough, suffer enough, prioritize other people enough, never ever everrrr be selfish and self-focusing, always care and think and support only other people while ignoring yourself, be "humble" and "courteous" and "gracious" and "see the good in people" and blah blah blah -- people will see what a good, kind-hearted person you are. And perhaps one day those people will treat you kindly -- if you are patient enough.
Even when you feel like keeling over from exhaustion every single day from prioritizing others while chronically ignoring your own needs. The only thing keeping you going is that dream of one day that charming, handsome, strong, rich, brave, amazing prince charming will spot you and immediately fall in love with your "personality". And you finally, finally will get all the love and care and being spoiled in every way by the man of your dream.
You know, like in the movies.
When I say we have been brainwashed by the patriarchy -- I don't mean lab rats and white coats -- I mean this. You are made to believe all these ridiculous beliefs and lies by way of subtle repetition -- when you keep seeing the same bullsh*t every single day and every one around you say that bullsh*t is normal, is the truth, is how it is and it is crazy to expect any better? That's how you got brainwashed.
Another name for that is invisible scripts -- you were made to believe all these invisible scripts by the society that you live in, and it controls your entire life.
One of that belief being that if you start prioritizing yourself, you will suddenly turn into this villainous mean EVIL gold digger that will spat on maids in anger and push your husband down the stair so that you will inherit all his money or something.
Women like that do exists -- I know a few -- but if you are not them, you are not them. No matter how hard you try to be them -- you will definitely fail because you aren't designed the same way they are. Even when you follow the exact same thinking and tactics as them -- your brain, your conscience will reject things that aren't compatible with your design.
Your FEAR is BASELESS. Your FEAR is based on a LIE -- a completely empty LIE that will never become reality, no matter how hard you try. Unless you want to change yourself so completely and thoroughly, that you change your conscience entirely to be like them. 99% women on this planet don't have what it takes to be that determined.
And they don't need to -- because self-prioritization is not the same as being a narcissist.
Ever wonder what it looks like to be a self-prioritizing woman?
I will use myself as an example:
I cut people off like a scissor cutting loose thread -- uh oh, dislike, snip snap.
I didn't go back during holidays and important events because I dislike my relatives.
I am indifferent to people in my daily life unless there's a concrete reason to care.
I don't like dumbasses and annoying people so I avoid them like a plague.
I don't debate or CoMmUnIcAtE -- I disappear. I block & delete. I ran.
My FIRST instincts when people tryna start bullsh*t with me is to run -- or if it not possible, they no longer exist to me.
I NEVER give "second chances"
I don't THINK about shitty men or why they are shitty and find things to complain about shitty men -- my answer to all men-related complains is that I don't know, and I don't care.
I don't care about other people's business -- I have no opinions about people. You cool, we cool. You tryna start shit, you got the snip-snap. That's it.
When I was deep in my Masculina hell, I always wanted to be "right" and be the "heroine that save the day" and the "good person". I realized now I am grey, and that's okay.
Seems cold? Good. Here's the breakdowns:
1) I cut people off like a scissor cutting loose thread -- uh oh, dislike, snip snap.
I don't cut people off for funsies or because they "hurt my feelings" -- I am 32, not 2.
I cut people off either because they are toxic, parasitic, takers, "off" -- or simply unnecessary that I think that it is better to go our separate ways.
I become so used to cutting people off that I don't even need to wait for the red flag to go fully on -- I get a hint of something is "off" and it is an immediate snip-snap.
Life is easy when you don't have to wrack your brain thinking about every decisions -- you snip-snap because something inside you say "Hey this one no good, cut off."
2) I didn't go back during holidays and important events because I dislike my relatives.
They are shit. They treat me like shit. They say stupid shit. They use celebrations and family gathering as excuse to be even more shitty. I see no reason why I should join in any of that circus.
Many women hesitate to not go back on holidays and celebrations because it is "cruel" or whatever -- but sitting there letting yourself being treated like shit while they continue to ruin the holiday isn't cruel?
Yeah, you may hurt some feelings. Do it five years in a row and they will get over it soon -- human are highly adaptable creature, they will be fine.
Being alone all peaceful and quiet during holidays is far, farrr better then whatever the hell creepy-ass "family-bonding" they got back home. It is all appearance anyway, yet inside is all rotten and stinky.
3) I am indifferent to people in my daily life unless there's a concrete reason to care.
When I was running myself ragged trying to make people like me -- I "care", and I "care" so much.
I went out of my way every single day to help others and make them feel comfortable and welcomed by me.
It never worked -- they were repelled even further.
Meanwhile, honestly, deep down -- I don't care. I can't even summon the energy to care.
My love is limited -- only a few selected, very special people can make me excited enough to care. Other people are more than capable to take care of themselves -- they will be fine.
I can only care when there's a concrete, emergency-type reason to care -- because then it makes sense to drop everything and go help them.
4) I don't like dumbasses and annoying people so I avoid them like a plague.
What? They are annoying. If I don't need to deal with them for extremely important reasons, why stay?
If they say absolutely dumb thing ON A DATE -- why should I stay?
I don't need to "be nice" -- I am NOT nice -- and they are dumb. I see no reason to stay, so I get up and walk away.
5) I don't debate or CoMmUnIcAtE -- I disappear. I block & delete. I ran.
Even thinking about having to debate, having to argue -- my energy already dissipates. Poof, gone.
I am simply not designed for debate or conflicts -- I rather ran away.
Is that cowardice? Is that acting like a rat? Is that being "weak"? Is that not "standing your ground & fight back bravely"?
Is it really necessary though? Every single debate? Every single argument? Every single interaction? Every single time you get triggered by a man, by a post, by a DM? Every. Single. Time? Really??
👏👏👏 Go girl, u stronk! Don't mind me though, I'm just a coward. I'm just gonna sit righttttt here and 😎🍿
In the same vein -- I don't CoMmUnIcAtE. Because that's dumb. He has a brain, he can f**king use it.
6) My FIRST instincts when people tryna start bullsh*t with me is to run -- or if it not possible, they no longer exist to me.
Yeah, I treat shitty people like they don't exists if I can't run away from them. Read that again: SHITTY PEOPLE.
Some call it "silent treatment" and "cruel mind games". I call it common sense.
Because who told them to start bullsh*t with ME? Did I start bullsh*t with them? No. Did I act shitty towards them? No. Did I stole their money and burn their house down? No.
They start a drama and then trying to backtrack pretending their aren't shitty -- too late honey. I pretend to be dumb, I am not dumb. I see your true face.
They poke the sleeping bear. So face the consequences.
If I can run though, I am gonna Superman my ass out of there. Because why stay?
7) I NEVER give "second chances"
Because why should I?
If they need second chances (and third, and forth, and fifth, and blah blah blah) -- that's a big freakin sign that they aren't genuine the first time around.
Whatever the hell their problem is -- it isn't any of my business. Not my business, not my problem. Ciao.
8) I don't THINK about shitty men or why they are shitty and find things to complain about shitty men -- my answer to all men-related complains is that I don't know, and I don't care.
Men are either potential courtship partner or background NPCs. I never really thought about them at all.
If they want to court me -- cool, go ahead -- but I don't think about him. Because... why?
What benefit does it gives you thinking about why Mark saying xyz in DMs and doing abc in front of friends?
What benefit does it gives you analyzing every single line of that Tinder match reply?
When FDS says "Learn to spot red flags" -- I don't really think they meant spending all day screenshotting the whole ass conversation (that you keep going on and on and on for some reason) and then spend the entire night gossiping with your friends.
I understand if you are doing it purely for educational and research purposes -- but that's not what I am seeing. Just complains and even more complains.
You say men are dumb and useless and blah blah blah -- but you keep searching them out, screenshotting everything, then seeking people to complain about about it -- spend hours on that stuff. And rinse and repeat the next day.
You can write a book's worth of all that screenshotting and complaining you put out. You still thinking about men. All I can hear is men this, men that, men men men men men.
I can't really get in with that kind of... whatever the hell you are doing -- because I don't think about men all that much. Why? What for? What benefit does this get me?
9) I don't care about other people's business -- I have no opinions about people. You cool, we cool. You tryna start shit, you got the snip-snap. That's it.
"What's your opinion on trans wanting you to call them this pronouns or that?" -- I don't know, I don't care.
"Why do you think Mark says xyz in DMs and doing abc in front of friends?" -- I don't know, I don't care.
"What's your opinion on this person--" -- I DON'T KNOW. AND I DON'T F**KING CARE.
I don't think in terms of people -- I think in terms of systems, theories, concepts, SENSE. I write things that make sense, help you understand why things happens this way or that.
I am fighting the invisible scripts that have been deeply ingrained into our conscience.
When I talk about patriarchy and men -- I am talking about the concept, the system, the LIE. The absolute bullsh*ttery they have been feeding us and making us fight each other while they laugh on the sideline.
I don't know, and I don't care about why Mark is doing xyz in your DMs while acting abc in front of your friends. I am NOT that kind of advisor.
"I just wish you have a little more compassion for--" -- NOPE, wrong person.
10) When I was deep in my Masculina hell, I always wanted to be "right" and be the "heroine that save the day" and the "good person". I realized now I am grey, and that's okay.
I don't think myself as good or bad -- I am grey. I am just human. And I think it is about time I start being honest with myself.
I like when things are fun -- my inner child dance with joy when I can watch dumbasses get the consequences of their dumbassery. It is funny. It makes life so much more interesting.
I am naturally childish and quiet -- so stupid people underestimate me easily and think I am an easy prey -- I LOVE that. They'll never know what hit them, and they'll never know who hit them because I am innocent and quiet and don't know anything~~
"OMG no HVM will like a person like you!" -- OMG, I don't give a sh*t. Never stopped them before, won't stop them now.
You care so f**king much about that proverbial HVM's likes and dislikes that you are willing to lie to yourself and mould yourself into a brainless doll -- that's on you. Don't drag me into your kink -- it is creepy.
I am not an elegant lady -- I can play as one if absolutely necessary -- but I like to play. I like when things are fun and funny and interesting. I DON'T CARE what that proverbial "HVM" thinks about me -- because it doesn't matter.
And yet for some reason -- people like me more NOW than when I was running myself ragged trying to make people like me.
People give me food, drive me places, do things for me, take pictures of me, sending me money, calling me out of the blue because they "miss" me etc etc. -- honestly it weirds me out a little because I honestly don't care anymore. I reached my limit on that a long time ago -- but well, that how it is now. Yay.
I reciprocate here and there with materials and services if I have the time, the energy, the desire, and/or the money to do it. But most of the time I just say thank you with a bright smile and happy noises (that's just how I am with gifts) -- and they keep coming to give me more.
I accept everything but if they give me something I can't use -- like fish or perfume -- I will say "Ah I can't eat fish but thank you anyway!" and they either replace it or I don't feel guilty throwing it away/giving it to someone else.
So there -- that's what it looks like to be a self-prioritizing woman. A version of it, at least. Make do with it what you will.