F*ck Boys, Pick MEs, & Narcs

fds

from the handbook

“Common F-ckboy Red Flags “

things that stuck out to me in this article (this is by no means intended to be a summary, and much more is in the article/essay)

“Take anything within the first 3 months, with a pinch of salt. Men will mirror what they think you want to hear & see in the early stages...at least until they get sex. “

This was mentioned with regards to love bombing and things seeming ‘too good to be true”. Important to always trust our instincts ESPECIALLY when our hormones are at play and we can tend to downplay them ourselves!

I would also add, as many have mentioned before, this applies generally to all people as well, and for much longer periods. AND, especially if you’re dealing with pathological people eg people who are genuinely pathologically narcissistic., They can wear a mask for YEARS before it slips. i am currently dealing with someone who was ‘normal’ and ’respectful’ for years and now they are a completely different person ‘out of the blue’. I got lulled into a false sense of security but no sh!t - this still happens!

I think I heard someone say wait at least 18 mths to 2 yrs w a guy/narc , and that’s when the mask usually drops and they can’t sustain the fake act anymore. OF COURSE there are some who can probably hold it for longer but i think this is a good starting guide.

also, from the article, which I found a useful reminder:

“Overinflated confidence - Something off about his machismo - he might have a deep voice, be 6ft2, be ripped or whatever else but there's something not quite convincing about his 'alpha act'......most likely his shit-ton of emotional baggage and insecurities he's waiting to project on you through coercive manipulative behaviours. Basically his manly mature gentleman act is a farce. Chances are he's broke/not intelligent/in debt/mommys boy. This is something to look out for when he's attractive physically, but something feels off elsewhere- usually there is a giant catch awaiting. “

and:

“Watch out for ‘sob stories’ too quick - “…” Often fuckboys will use this as a way to get under your skin & garner sympathy to later exploit you further down the line (usually for money/a place to stay/free therapy) or they are doing it to get you to open up and reveal your weak spots to them (such as being estranged from family). As a safety precaution do not reveal weak spots /heavy stuff to men you barely know - wait to see his actions /consistency & depth first. “

stay immune:

“Self respect and standards = no fun for fuckboys. “

note: It’s not personal if a guy is not available for a meaningful relationship/commitment. He’s just immature/not there yet/won’t be.

“the LVM sees vulnerability as weakness and is not man enough to make himself vulnerable “. It’s often not about you.

…

“LVM are looking for easy prey, if you're not that prey, he will lose interest in pursuing you, so don't take offence and see it as the trash taking itself out. “

Original article/post by user “modernmedusaa “