WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Never let him "talk you into" sex.
Never, at any point, should a man convince you to have sex.
The amount of men that have done verbal gymnastics to try and get me to have sex when I either haven't wanted to, wasn't in the mood, or wasn't in the mood for them is fucking mind-blowing. Back before I had a backbone, I was occasionally convinced and always, always, always regretted it.
Please, for the love of god, if you are not 100% fully on board, don't have sex with him.
Don't have sex to keep him interested.
Don't have sex to be polite.
Don't have sex to get attention.
Don't have sex out of pity or guilt.
Don't have sex because you feel like you should.
Don't have sex because he says he loves you or sees a future with you if he hasn't actually proven this with actions.
Most men would never debase themselves to have sex with someone they weren't attracted to out of some misguided effort to be polite or help some woman's ego, and neither should you.
And sex is almost always completely for the man's benefit, as most are selfish and don't care if you get off if they don't care about you. And if he's pressuring you sis, he doesn't give a fuck about you and will be a bad lay regardless.
Learn from my mistake:
I once hooked up with a guy because I felt bad for him. We matched on OLD, he seemed nice enough but gave me some sob story about how he's lonely and just wanted to "cuddle".
I let him come over and he immediately started pressuring me for more. I didn't have tough skin at the time and have always been a people pleaser, so I went farther than I wanted to. Afterword, he blocked me on the OLD and text.
It was humiliating and hurtful, and I was angry at him but I was more angry at myself because I didn't respect myself enough to stick up for me and stand by my own boundaries and advocate for my own comfort.
This isn't my proudest moment and I'm embarrassed to share it, but honestly I have other personal stories of coercion and actual rape from men who didn't care about my boundaries, comfort or safety as I'm sure most of us do.
"No." is a complete sentence. Don't have sex until you want to, and not until he's proven himself worthy.
tl;dr: Only have sex when YOU WANT TO and on YOUR TERMS.
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.