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WARNING: These are HANDBOOK POSTS -- WRITTEN A LONG TIME AGO by some great women with great thoughts and deemed as handbook worthy by FDS mods for a reason. If you feel triggered or disagree with something -- THE SMART THING TO DO IS TO MOVE ON. Agree to disagree and go on your merry way. Stop trying to start bullsh*t in the comment section because I have no patience to deal with you.
Originally posted in FDS subreddit. All rights reserved to the original writer.
Various hacks will encourage you to not get educated and to not focus on your career so that you can marry early. Here's why its a bad idea.
Various hacks will tell you to marry in your early 20s because that's supposedly when women are at their most attractive. They will even subtly encourage you to not focus on your career and to ditz your education for the sake of a man, as men don't care about your career.
While it's true that men don't care about women's careers, since they're shallow and only care about looks, it's still a bad idea to focus on a man instead of focusing on your career. Let me explain why.
People who marry early actually have a higher chance of getting divorced. Despite what some tell you, getting married in your early 20s might be a recipe for disaster.
http://maselliwarren.com/2014/03/20/divorce-rates-increase-youre-25/
People who are not well-educated have a higher chance of divorce. Just one more reason to focus on your education.
Being economically dependent on a man leaves you in a vulnerable position. Expecting a man to provide for you leaves you in a vulnerable position. What will you do if the man abuses you and you have no education and no job so can't get out of there? Don't believe the fools who say that you can just divorce and get alimony. Its not always that easy. There are many who find ways to avoid paying alimony.
Even if you don't find a man, you can still be happy. Remember that marriage is a better deal for men than for women anyway.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201510/is-marriage-worth-the-trouble-women
The handbook posts project.
Anyone who wants to contribute to this project, please puts [Handbook Posts:] in their title so there's a distinction. Also tag @SayNad so that I can find them.
I wish I had read this ten years ago. If you are 25 or younger and struggling to make a choice between yourself or your career/education and your boyfriend, please choose yourself and your career. Choosing you doesn’t necessarily mean dump him, it just means think of your best interests before his, and I mean ruthlessly. Don’t settle on your second choice college to be closer to him. Don’t quit your job just because it sucks and he says you don’t have to work. Don’t factor his income, future income, or his family’s wealth into any of your financial decision making for YOUR future. Don’t lose a wink of sleep or 5 minutes of studying over a guy. I’m not saying you won’t meet and/or marry the best man for you in your 20s but if that’s meant to be, it will be. The alt right bros talk about marriage as being “like death by a thousand concessions”. You refusing to adapt and accommodate your life around his is not HIM making a concession but if he acts like it is, yeet him into the trash. In this post Roe world, you HAVE to protect yourself. No man or government will ever do it for you and be suspicious of anybody who tells you they will. Do not end up like me; 30 years old with little job experience and an unfinished degree because I bought into what everyone was telling me about marriage and the importance of “locking down” a man young. The only ones getting locked down in marriages are women. /rant
ANY emphasis on romantic relationships with men in your formative years will be a lose for you. Formative years are not to lose sleep and energy over boys and men. Those years are gone once they are gone. You get infinite chances at love but you only get to build the foundation of your life once.
🙌Yes! Yes! YES!!! 🙌
NEVER GIVE UP YOUR FINANCIAL INDEPENDANCE!!!!
I've known so many women who get stuck in miserable marriages because their male partner controls the pursestrings and thus, controls all the choices within the marriage.
If she tries to bring up an issue in the marriage (ESPECIALLY when it comes to unequal division of labor with household tasks/), 9 times out of 10 he'll just throw back "well, I bring in the money in this relationship." He has no intention of changing because on some level he KNOWS his partner cannot afford to leave.
ALWAYS be able to afford to leave.
Yep. I got married at 31, which is not technically young, but it was too young for me. I was a late bloomer and I had only started pursuing my career at 25. I was right on the cusp of some major moves when I decided to take a break (out of frustration) and move cross country to be with my LDR. 🤦🏽♀️ That ‘short break ended up with me being pregnant and married in a year. I thought I could bounce back and continue, no problem. WRONG. My son was diagnosed with ASD and I realized my husband was an emotionally unavailable man child who couldn’t do anything without my guidance. I’m divorced now, but
stress and my parental responsibilities are such that I haven’t been able to ever get back on track, try as I might. Career dead, dreams deferred.
Wise words from judge Judy about women's $$ independence