I was asked to write more on this so here it is a summary.
7 months ago I ditched my cheating scrote. Long story short, a year before that, he went to other continent !!!! for a festival and cheated on me with some woman there. He came back, confessed his deed and cried and begged for forgiveness. I did forgive on the spot, after 18 years together a lot can happen, we are only humans, right? I only asked to cease the contac with her. He promised to do so but just few weeks later he started chatting with her again, claming she's just a friend. 7 months ago he said he went to that very same festival and again stayed with her and other people in the same house. This was the final straw and knowing this, I started searching new living space.
So how it went: really tough. First I went on a local groups for cohousers to see if I can find a roommate. I made a post and out of 13 messages before I deleted it, only one was half decent, I went to a "roommate casting" but didn't make the cut as our lifestyles were not compatible. All the rest, as you can imagine, were offers from scrotes to share bed with them for sexual favors.
I was close to give up and rent something on my own but then I saw a post from a woman from China, who was coming for 1 year post doc and decided to send her an email. She replied an we scheduled one video call and we had so much fun talking, we decided imediatelly we gonna rent an appartaent together. She already had something that one of her friends was leaving, so I went to have a look and signed the contract.
Mind you: she was in China, I was in Europe. Then she came, we did some furniture shopping and our journey began. Of course it was a little difficult at the beginning but I have noticed immediate improvement in comparison to my old life with scrote.
She keeps the space clean and tidy. We barely ever have to do anything because everything is kep clean. Scrote, living alone now, for 3 months fails to clean his floor. For real, he has same dirty spot in there that he doesn't have time to remove since it got there (exactly 3 months).
We cook for each other and we teach each other how to cook our national meals. Once in a while we invite friends of different origins and we enjoy tasting of new stuff.
There's practically no alcohol in our house, we share a glass of wine with friends sometimes, which makes for very peaceful atmosphere at home. Scrote I left was a raging alcoholic, we're speaking of half a bottle of whisky/vodka per day, more on the weekend. He wastes all night to chat with that woman from overseas.
We learn each other's languages. I speak slavic language, she speaks Chineese, which are both difficult but we have fun with it. A lot !
We spend time in the weekend together - plan travels, by car or plane or bus, we just enjoy.
I moved closed to work so I have 2h per day more of free time that I can invest into bettering myself. I do pilates, swimming and language classes. I went to ceramics workshop, glass workshops, sewing classes. I have tons of plants.
The door never closes. Friends come over. Sometimes also male friends, we have those and I firmly believe in them. She has her male friends from China doing research at the same university, so none new, just people she knows for years. In the old place I could never invite anyone or I had to spend 2 days cleaning because the place was so messy.
Bonus: a sweet dude at work who helped me to realize there was something seriously wrong with my relationship and helped through this mess.
I know what you are thinking but hear me out. We worked together for 2 years aleady at that time and ever since the beginning I noticed he was different than most.
The things that helped me realize it can be different:
On particulary long day at work, he went to coffee machine and brought me hot chocolate. It doesn't seem like much but was my first clue.
At home at the same time - I arrived around 8 pm and my ex-scrote was complaining that the dinner wasn't ready, even though I was comutting 3+ hours per day and he worked from home 4 out of 5 days and slept until 10, literally the latest he could start. The reason why he couldn't prepare the dinner was: he had to work until 8 pm to do his hours. I was getting up at 6 and coming home at 7 pm so in his mind I had 1h to make dinner.
Guy from work on multiple occasions agreed to pick me up from car service (we have to do regular maintenance of our company cars). It was next to our work but at that time we both drove about 100kms one way and service was additional 15 and he had to get up 30 mins earlier. Ex-scrote, who was initially asked to pick me from service 10kms from our house, declined because: 1. I can take a bus (waiting for god knows how long because bus goes just once in 2h there), 2. I can pay 100 euros for replacement car 3. If he has to drive me to the service in the morning (I was willing to pay that 100 euros but if dropped the car in the evening, I'd have to pay for 2 days and not 1), he'd have to get up at 2.5 hours earlier. Imagine. From saved 100 euros, I asked my colleague for lunch to a nice place and we truly enjoyed.
When we go to lunch together, he litereally never argues with me or criticize my choices. Ex-scrote criticized almost everything I chose to eat, claming I was too fat. Only now after 7 month I see how I was negged daily so I would not have too much of self confidence and esteem. Imagine my shock when I went out first time with my colleague, I took carbonara and I was prepared for a speech how unhealthy, calorie rich food it is and how I will get even fatter. I left that lunch so shocked, I couldn't say a word for all the time we walked back to the office. It opened my eyes that you can go out with a man and not be negged.
For a while we carpooled, it hapened it was my colleague's turn. In the evening when we got to his car, it seemed that it rained heavily and car was in puddle of mud. I said I will put my stuff on the back and he said "no wait, I will get the car out and you can get in then with dry feet". I don't know if he saw a shock on my face but I was standing there of all times when my ex parked the car wherever, sometimes not even allowing enough space for me to get out and saying that if I was skinnier, I would make it. It was very difficult for me to hold back tears, when we drove together because I remembered all the events when my then still boyfriend of 18 years, treated me like shit and here random dude from work had more kindness, even though we are just colleagues.
My colleague on addition to that: picked up my work for the first few weeks after break up, I asked him and he agreed to help because he saw I was devastated. He offered few plants for my appartament and so on.
In the end, he continues being his great self. Like last week he got up really early and arrived at work very early and he said he knew how difficult situation we have now (due to management) and he wanted to be there to support me. Once in a while he brings some cookies, which are totally guilt free for me. My ex made me feel guilty even if I just looked at sugar.
For the record, I am size 10-12 British or 42-44 European, guite tall - 170 cm and with huge boobs. At this point I know I look like estrogen bomb and men literally drool over me. I spend 18 years thinking I was fat piece of shit, unworthy of anyones attention, hiding my body under oversized clothes and apologizing for using sugar in my coffee.
So yeah, I know it's long but both the dude from work and my roomate and friends helped me out of this shit. I heard from a lot of my friends how amazing person I am and now my social life took a great turn. I don't party or anything, but friends are coming over, we paint, we cook together, we talk, have fun, watch a movie.
Bonus 2: Ex-scrote now. He broke his arm. Who did he call? Me. He is unable to keep his space clean, unable to cook, unable to live on his own. He lost like 15kgs and he was already pretty slim. His hair fell out because he eats mostly ramen noodles and drinks way too much. I asked him where is that woman from America to cook soup for him or help him with the laundry.
He sees me living my best life and he knows I am not coming back. That's best revenage for cheating and negging.
Congrats, I'm so happy for you!! You have done an amazing job turning your life around and I applaud you. ❤️
I want you to keep your cool with that sweet coworker though. You have just gotten out of an extremely abusive relationship so normal things seem luxurious to you. For example this:
This, my friend, is the norm. This is what healthy people do. This isn't princess treatment, this is just... so very normal. I really hope you understand this.
Wishing you all the best on your level up journey!
I'm happy for you, but worried about the fact that you still know what's going on in you ex life. Why? Do yo have kids in common or something? Because he wasn't even your husband, and you own him fckn nothing, not even a ear to heard waa waa about his shitty life.
This is a great story and I'm very happy for you.
I've lived with female housemates before and had the same experience - absolutely blissful domestic life where we take turns cooking and just being physically and emotionally healthy humans together. I would joke about 'my wife' at home, because we were both doing 'wifely' things like the cleaning and cooking and it just WORKED. Why this is so hard for scrotes, I do not understand.
I live on my own now and my place isn't really big enough to share, but I'm still friends with a couple of the women I shared with. Living with good women is a truly life-enriching experience, in many ways.
I'm happy for you :) Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like you found a rare unicorn - a gentleman. Keep vetting :) <3
Love this.