Hello! I have been following the community since its days on Reddit starting late 2021, and coming across the subreddit then had been a major turning point in my life.
I grew up in a poor family and was raised to be thrifty, to be hardworking, and taught to not expect more than peanuts for back breaking work as we all had a scracity mindset then. I am very well-to-do now but childhood conditioning dies hard, and even at 37 today I still struggle with having a healthy relationship with money (in the sense to treat myself better instead of being overly thrifty). Separately, I was also a people pleaser as I was socially awkward for most of my life (being LGBT has also made me feel unwelcome in many circles subconsciously and I overcompensate) which led me to accept a lot of things I now know not to accept. The three biggest takeaways in my two years of lurking have been such:
Not dating men won't make you immune to their poor treatment. I am LGBT and it didn't stop misogynistic men from spreading rumours about me, attacking my looks, poking their business into my intimate affairs, trying to bullt me out of the industry etc. Please also understand this: neither will playing into the rules of the patriarchy and being in your "feminine energy" completely 100% relying on a man for money. Society was built by men, the rules made by men, and the rest of us made to fall in place. It is a system in which you either bend (to varying extents) or are ostracised. The only way out is to demand to be treated with HV treatment, take up positions in society where you can make a difference, and dish out tangible consequences to bad behaviour.
Making myself small is not a virtue. My family is constantly doing this in my childhood so we could survive on what we had. Coupons, stealing toilet paper from public toilets, collecting water from public water points to save on utilities... It has instilled in me a phobia of taking up resources and spending money. Everytime I spoil myself I get this nagging feeling of "I just got my pay and I am SPLURGING??? WHAT ABOUT THE LESS PRIVILEGED WHAT MAKES ME THINK I DESERVE THIS" while having ample money in my bank. I still believe in the value of spending wisely but now I understand I don't have to live like a refugee. I am still in the process of unlearning this as I type.
Lastly, not only decenter men, decenter the rules they created for you. I am always angry when you crack misogynistic jokes you say? I don't give a shit. I will be unlikeable and called a bitch if I assert myself at work? FUCK YOU I am more respected than you because I actually bring value to my employers, unlike you who are incompetent and the only value you bring being unfunny "that female coworker has a chest as flat as a runway" jokes that you reuse for 10 years.
FDS taught me self-love, that I deserve what I want in life, that I don't have to accept struggle. That I should unapologetically show up as myself in the world, and demand respect, love and tenderness. That I have innate worth and I ought to live it everyday. For that, I will always be thankful for this platform.
However, as many users have pointed out, there's been a marked change in the kind of content and discourse we see here. Male depravity and gossip posts have started to dominate the forum and I'm not sure consuming that sort of content on a daily basis is healthy for me personally. I used to enjoy the level up, handbook content, tips and tangible ways to improve your mindset and quality of life, and towards the end of 2021 everyone was sharing pictures of nice things they got for themselves for the holidays. I really hope the forum can generate more of such content in future, because I feel that this is what women out there who have been broken, who are lost, should be seeing instead of another 1000 examples of why men suck, which they probably already know, or cannot find a way to rationalise why this is wrong and unacceptable. I know I can filter the forum by groups, but I'll prefer to devote my energy full time into levelling up in REAL LIFE.
Thank you all, it has been a good run, and I'm bowing out. STAY WOMAN ladies.
I agree the forum could do with less scrote nonsense posts. There's plenty of examples of this on social media already. More tips on how to level up and be more confident would be much more constructive!
Yep, FDS philosophy is bigger than the discussions in forum and subreddit. When you internalize self worth and take everything to heart, you have then reached self actualization and no longer need any of this internet stuff.
A lot of women in real life feel uncomfortable discussing some of the topics that are discussed here, so some women don't have a supportive group of friends with whom they can share these topics. The FDS forum lets these women finally speak about such topics.
Most forums online will block or remove you if you speak about issues that are affecting women without mentioning “NOT ALL MEN,” which leads back to my point about women using it to vent.
Also, celebrity gossip posts were posted frequently on the subreddit which I can't stand. I don't care about celebrity culture, and it seems FDS does. Take a quick look at their Instagram bio, and it mentions “Follow for Dating Advice, Feminism, & Celeb Gossip.”
The celebrity and pop culture posts need to stop. Period.
I am not here to read about Taylor Swift, Beyoncé, Bella Swan, Legally Blonde, etc.
People posting this kind of garbage know who they are. Just stop.
I don't think we have enough Taylor Swift threads.