Hi sisters,
So I recently logged into Instagram for the first time in ages. I spiralled a bit and ending up looking at pages of instagram models. It was the the more local ones to me, who have followers in the thousands (not millions).
I felt terribly inferior. Their lifestyles appear so lavish: always at hotels, bars etc. and they look so physically 'perfect' in a way I never will because I haven't had surgery.
I'm in the writing up stage of my phd- I'm so tired and stressed trying to reach my goal. I am passionate about research but i envy these girls, for their lifestyles, beauty and the attention they get. I feel worthless and I like I made the wrong choice pursuing intellectual achievements.
I feel absolutely guilty and terrible about feeling this way. I want to snap out of it but finding it hard. Any advice? For one, i have deleted instagram.
I have a lot to say about this topic, as I am/was one of the "instagram girls" with a lot of followers. I have since focused my energy elsewhere, concerned less about social media garbage and more on building a career, what you're doing now.
First of all, it sounds like you're just dissatisfied and unhappy with day to day life in general. If I'm wrong then feel free to correct me. Regardless of these IG models, you don't enjoy spending all your time on a degree, and may feel the same way once you start a career. Have you considered an alternate path in life? I'm not telling you not to finish your phd, but have you at least thought about pursuing something you really love? Maybe a far less promising career $$ wise but allows travel and more freedom day-to-day?
To address the IG model thing - let's say you were a beautiful IG model with the trendy surgeries etc. First you have to consider what's already been mentioned, a lot of this is faked. Anyone can buy 10K, 100K or even 1M followers now. Photoshop and filters make a HUGE difference as well. Then consider that you now have the stress of upkeeping your beauty...hair extensions, more surgeries, more botox and fillers, etc....it adds up financially and its stressful af. THEN consider that no matter how hot you are, someone else is always hotter. Now your ego is upset for the same reason, even though you have everything you say you wanted. Maybe someone else is younger, has more followers or a bigger BBL or whatever it is. Maybe now that the excitement of a boob job wears off you want your nose done. The "high" of these procedures is short-lived, and chasing it again is why so many women ruin themselves by going overboard.
Your jealousy of these women is of their lifestyle, yes? This goes back to considering a different lifestyle for yourself. Even if you stay with your PhD, at least you are in it for the long haul. Watch where these women are 10 and 20 years from now. I can think of a few IG models who peaked 10 years or so ago and are now stuck on Onlyfans while pushing 40 and do NOT seem happy to be there.
I wont pretend that it's not socially benefical to be "hot" or whatever but true happiness is not obtained in this way. Find out what about your habits and lifestyle is preventing happiness and fix them. Not being an IG model is not the cause of it.
Grass is greener where you water it. Cheers.
After all that time spent on study and research with probably not much money coming in, I'd say you were feeling a bit burnt out and, understandably, questioning your choices when you compare yourself to these women on IG. But you're so close. Don't give up now. This will pass. Grit your teeth, have faith in the choices you've made, renew your efforts and maybe leave SM again - at least until you've finished your phd. You've got this!
Dr. Phil did an episode about the negative effects of social media on his last season, and he had some influencers on the show who basically exposed all of their camera secrets. Newsflash: none of it is real. Their "lavish lifestyles?" Staged. Maybe it comes as no surprise, but I think it helps to remind myself that I'd rather be authentic and work on being a well-rounded person IRL than just work on improving the image of myself. Deleting social media was step one of course. A clip from the episode can be watched here: https://youtu.be/Bg3UjiSQlUw?feature=shared
Ask yourself why you have such a strong need for external validation. Having fans, and getting attention is fake at best. And it could really be detrimental..I can tell you are also trying to get attention by being a high achiever, yer realizing even that isn't enough. How much attention would be enough for you to feel good about yourself?
Great job on deleting the app. It’s genuinely a disease. Nothing good comes from it. I know this sounds cheesy but one thing that’s done wonders for my self esteem is every time I see myself in the mirror I say “Hello Beautiful.” I smile to myself and name one thing I like about myself that day. “My hair looks great today.” “I love the shape of my eyes.” “I love my smile.” Whatever it may be. I don’t allow myself to use negative language about my appearance. Studies show that repeating affirmations like that, even if you don’t believe them, start to make you think that way after doing it repeatedly. And I can’t get any other face. This is the vessel I have for life. There’s no point disliking anything about her. This is me.
Its a highlight reel. Ive seen influencers changing clothes for a shot and immediately going back into trackies. One wealthy man kept having influencers take photos out the front of his house and he had to get security cameras and shoo them away. Don't believe what you see in that way
Insta "models" are just escort ads, normal models are starving ,getting harassed and paid peanuts
I also feel this way. When I saw my schoolmates being models and having fancy and luxurious lifestyle, I tend to compare myself to them. While I, constantly stress and busy with my schoolworks and research. I wonder If I really choose the wrong path. They got perfect hair, body, clothes, the right opportunities while there are times I don't even have time to take care of myself because of my busy schedule. I already stopped instagram and other social media but I still have Faceboom and can still see them whenever I am unwinding and scrolling. I wouldn't really call their achivements fake since I know them in real life. I just realized that all of us has different circumstances and I got unlucky with the family I was born into. It is not my fault that this is where I am born into, but I always remind myself, everyday, that this is all the more reason why I have to strive harder and smarter for school so I could get a better opportunities in life. If I wasn't handed opportunities like them, then I make my own.
Success is not only limited to being models or artists, I can just be successful on my own field. Eventhough I am still in my undergraduate studies, I am a high achiever, and I think that too is a huge achievement. Sometimes we tend to downplay ourselves and only think the grass is greener on the other side. We forget that not all people can achieve the things we do. You are already in Phd, I don't think a lot of people can get into Phd. So in a way, you are not inferior as you think you are. You are amazing!
Also, money plays an important role in life. Some people just advertise themselves, because they do it for money. So, everything is not personal. The way they are portraying themselves may just be for the sake of marketing, PR, advertisement, and trying to sell things off to you. You saw a sexy influencer, you saw the product, you think You want to look like them so you buy their product. It's just the cycle of that. They make you think they have it better so you want it for yourself and they profit from it. Also, them having a huge follower will help them gain sponsors, it's just business at the end of the day. It is up to you on how you react to everything in life. You either became a victim or a hero. If you can't handle your envy to these girls on Instagram, just delete it honestly. Since we are in FDS and looking for maximum female benefit, you can also use Instagram to inspire you. Follow posts that will help you build confidence and improvement. You can follow posts about poems, life advice, also you can follow FDS on Instagram, how about that? You have the power to control the feed in you instagram, take advantage of that.
A lot of them if not all are photshopped. There are apps that will give you perfect abs, waistline and cheekbones in less than a minute. Before this was possible only in highfashion magazines who could afford skilled graphic editor. Today any teenager with basic android phone can do it for free.
Their "glamorous" lifestyle comes with a high price: they take hours a day to look perfect, hours a day to make perfect photo and hours to edit because tiniest flaw will end their insta career.
This also means they usually deprive themselves of many things, need to watch what they eat and drink, spend a lot of time taking care of their looks. Insta glam doesn't come effortlessly - it's gym, exercises, diet, clothes. It's their job. This creates their income and competition is high.
After certain age it's very difficult to stay in this bussiness. Income drop but they usually have nothing to fall onto - like a decent degree. If they didn't build a lasting brand and their looks fade, their income goes down.
If their fans, mostly LV scrotes, detect they have a life partner, they ditch them so they are always watching their backs to not be spotted with a man. When they want a meaningful relationship, it starts to become a problem.
Men give them attention but it's not positive attention. It basically attention that is directed to possibility of banging them. They usually have zero respect. Saying that, PhD will not give you more respect but you will not be called names.
Horrible reality.
Know that women here admire your strength to pursue your dream. You go girl and get everything you want!
I won't say that I'm the most confident, but these things have helped with my self-esteem. Try removing things that might affect your confidence from your view (anything else that might be impacting you negatively). Maybe try to figure out why you might be feeling insecure (it could be the stress of what you're trying to accomplish right now). Lastly, I meditate. I know it sounds cliché, but I can assure you it has helped me so much. I hope this advice helps you!
Take some glam shots, and then remind yourself that these girls are the same as you.
A lot of the time, they're using money they made at WORK for lavish shit - nothing wrong with that at all.
But they have abusive boyfriends, pets that die, spotty WiFi, and dads who talk about how fat their mom got and aaaaallllllll that stupid shit too.
Melania Trump herself is miserable and used by men. Pretty privilege does not exist.
When I was writing my dissertation, my entire world molded into one big giant blob that revolved around my PhD thesis. This isn’t healthy, but it was all I thought about. And my mind was pretty fuzzy, I wasn’t thinking clearly, etc. I used to daydream about going on adventurous hiking trips in the mountains.
As soon as I graduated, I did just that! I definitely felt like the world was passing me by, but at the end of the day, I ended up with a degree that opened a lot of doors for me. You’re doing this for your future. Hang in there ! And think about some fun hobby or trip you want to do after you submit and want to blow off steam.
Social media is always tempting. Some people decide to pursue careers in modeling or influencing. You chose an academic route - presumably because you enjoy research. I accepted other women are hotter than me and put more effort into it. What can I do? I just don’t have the energy to spend hours doing my hair everyday 🤷🏼♀️