I’ve noticed many mental health posts mentioning the fact they have a good skincare and workout routine but are still depressed. I know we as women get marketed a magic lotion or way of life that eases every ache, pain, and bad day, but it’s not true. It’s to sell something. Hard times aren’t fixed with consumerism, they’re fixed by facing your emotions head on and actually diving deep into yourself to figure out why you’re hurting and fully process your emotions. You have to fully process your emotions in order to heal. It’s normal to have periods of sadness, anxiousness, loneliness, longing, stress, sleeplessness, and other not so pleasant feelings. It’s NORMAL. It’s OKAY! We’re human, we all have these moments. But that’s just what they are: moments. Our lives are more than just misery, there’s so many wonderful things mixed in it as well.
Is it helpful to maintain a healthy body through exercise and taking care of yourself? Yes! But mental health is deeper than sticking to a daily routine. Life will throw real curve balls at you. Work could be stressing you out, a family member could die, you could get into an accident—ANYTHING can come and damage your mental health in a significant way. As a matter of fact, it will. Murphy’s Law. The only way out of a dark time is pushing through.
While I’m not saying to drop your routines, self-care is important and maintaining your lifestyle is a good idea, your routine won’t fix your inner turmoil. That takes inner work. It’s a case of mind over matter. When something horrible happens and it knocks us down we have to feel our feelings. Don’t push them down. Don’t ignore them. Don’t gaslight yourself. Actually feel your feelings and get them ALL out. Good ways to get pain, sadness, and rage out is through journaling, rage rooms, crying, and even screaming bloody murder into a pillow. It’s also good to have trusted friends and family members to turn to to give you support if you're feeling lonely or anxious. If the issue was life changing, therapy is also a good start.
Finally, healing takes time. If you’re hurt physically some injuries last longer than others, a broken bone can take months to heal and your arm might not work the same way ever again. Same goes for emotional wounds. That scar could still hurt years later. Healing isn’t a linear process, either. Some days will be better than others. Some years will be better than others. It just takes time and personal dedication to feeling better and getting better. Be gentle with yourself if you’re having a hard time, it does you no favors to kick yourself when you’re already down.
Thank you for this post, Saturn! You're highlighting some important points here, and I wanted to add a few thoughts.
I'm sober, and I often attend a Buddhist sangha for sober people. Your post is so aligned with some of the Buddhist principles that help bring inner peace.
Suffering is a part of life, and we often create our own suffering by grasping/wanting or resisting/avoiding. In the case of people at the sangha, they turned to alcohol or drugs to deal with their pain, and most ended up causing even more damage and chaos in their lives as a result.
But, as you write in your post, shopping and fitness can become addictions too; a mask for the discomfort of life.
There's a great documentary on Netflix called "Stutz," and the psychologist featured there shares theee unavoidable truths of life, truths that NO ONE is exempt from:
Pain
Uncertainty
Constant work
If we can accept that this discomfort is an inevitable part of life and sit with that discomfort, we build tolerance. We can handle pretty much anything with patience, grace, and kindness, to ourselves and others.