You need help. A lot of help. All the help, at every step of the way.
You don't know jack shit about any of this -- and you are winging the heck outta it because you have to. It is a do or die. You will make tons of mistakes. That's not a sin.
You are not worthless just because you are overwhelmed and breaking down from all the chaos and still-healing trauma. All these weird "supermom" agenda society is trying to push on us is not normal. It is not healthy -- in fact it is pretty dang dangerous.
You NEED all the rest. You NEED to be spoiled and thoroughly taken care of. Being fragile, sick, and weak IS NOT A SIN. You are human, not cyborg.
You kids should learn responsibilities as soon as they are able to. Trust their ability, show them the steps. Kids are smart and absorb things like a sponge -- they will be fine. You need to let them make mistakes and learn how to stand up on their own.
Yes, it is hard to let go of the instinct to protect them from all the hurt of the world -- but coddling and helicoptering their every steps, sacrificing your own identity, health, emotion, free time -- you will only make them incapable of handling the world on their own.
You need boundaries and standards too as a mother -- you need to show your children how to prioritize oneself even with mountains of responsibilities. They need that for their own future.
Your husband should be your pillar, your foundation, your shelter, your support while you are busy supporting the children. That is the core role of a husband -- to be the silent pillar for the nurturer. His role is in the background, the burden is heavy and he has to be the one remaining strong when everyone and everything is falling apart.
The role of a husband and father can only be shouldered by a fully mature, fully developed HVM -- it is not for everybody. Sisters, you need to understand this -- if you didn't meet a truly, truly suitable HVM that you are convinced without a single doubt will be a great husband and father -- stay single. I am serious.
The root of all pain and agony in this world is because underdeveloped men are given that role and they crumble when tested. And start blaming and hurting people around them because they can't cope with the humiliation. That's how you start a generational trauma.
STOP THAT UGLY LOOP NOW. If you didn't meet a truly suitable candidate, stay single. It is a win-win strategy -- and the key to stop generational trauma.
And if you are already stuck with a shitty husband showing his true color after being tested with pregnancy and kids -- start planning your exit please. "Staying for the kids" is a surefire way to f**k up your kids and your grandkids and the ones after. You have the responsibility to stop that chain.
Leave for the kids -- that's the correct way to do it.
You aren't martyrs, you don't need to be, you should not need to be. Because we are human, not Angels. We are imperfect by design and that's ironically, is the best way to be.