I’m considering having children on my own, through a sperm donor, but It's something I've never come to terms with.
On the one hand, I fear how growing up without a father might affect my children, I also fear that they might resent me for not giving them a father. On the other hand, I can't stand men, especially in long-term relationships, even less having to live with one. I can't help but mention that pregnancy is hard work and can destroy a woman's body and peace of mind, and I wouldn't put myself through that for a guy. My father used to treat my mother like a princess but then cheated on her when she got pregnant and almost dumped her, and that happens A LOT. Men will never truly value or respect the work that is pregnancy. I don't want to give a guy the opportunity to mentally abuse me, cheat on me, turn my kids against me, degrade me, and then even if we get divorced I will always have to be in contact with him because we have kids together.
I have a lot of motherly love to give, and I have enough money and security to be able to give my children a great life. So, I would like to know what you ladies think about being a single mother by choice, I need more opinions to decide.
Just my 2 cents here. Every experience, every baby, every mother is different. But for me having a baby was the greatest thing I have done with my life. This baby has given me more joy, happiness and love than any man ever could in a million years. I'm very lucky, I have a partner who is hugely invested and helpful. BUT i think doing it solo is very possible and much more preferable than doing it with a lvm.
Personally I think a sperm donor is a great way to go. If you decide to go for it, use a highly rated clinic and go with your gut. You sound very smart and capable.
If I was doing this alone I would want the following post partum: a doula for the first 2 weeks of life. A cleaner for the first 3 months (at least) of life. A meal delivery service for the first 3 months. Friends and family lined up to come by to help with chores. Not to see the baby! But to clean the bathroom, kitchen, buy groceries, change sheets. Your village has to be active.
As for figuring out WHY you want children. I mean, do you have to? For me, it wasn't a logical decision. I made it with my instinct and boy oh boy that instinct gave me the greatest gift of my life. I don't believe in belittling women who say 'I want this thing' and then those around you say 'do you really though?' Um. Yes. You're allowed to want this. You're also allowed to decide it's not for you. You're allowed to adopt, foster or volunteer. You're allowed anything you want with this magical short time you have on earth.
It's the hardest thing I've ever done and it's the thing that has set the course of my life to my truest north. If your instinct is calling you, call back to her. She is fierce, unafraid and she knows the way.