I found some ladies questioning about why FDS advises to de-center men from our life considering this is a dating strategy sub - it sounds like we are advising people to stay single FGTOW-style. A fair question if you have not yet fully understand FDS-style dating approach.
Consider this: imagine yourself going up to your employer trying to negotiate a higher salary, but as women we all know our tendency to low-ball ourselves and get anxious about having no bargaining power.
Women carry that belief of having no bargaining power into all aspects of our lives - including dating. Except we do have the ultimate bargaining power.
But you only realize that fact when you successfully de-center men from your lives.
When you de-center men from your lives, you aren't afraid to walk away. That's your ultimate bargaining power.
Ladies, remember that man chase and women choose,
and being the chooser means that you are always ready to walk away when you deem the situation is not to your favor.
You see no reason to continue spending time with him - regardless of it being the first date or a 5 years relationship.
You are far more resistant to the sunk-cost fallacy and you don't make judgement based on what you've sacrificed for the relationship - you dislike how he make you feel, so you end it. Simple as that.
"You have to work on this, you can't give up too early!" is reserved for goals and ambitions that you know is good for you in the end - not for a man knowingly and purposely hurting you. We ain't a human punching bag here ladies.
De-centering men in your life puts you in the position of a judging observer - it gives you the clarity to see men for who they are. You aren't as vulnerable to mind games and manipulation attempts - even when you don't understand what's happening. But you can feel that it is all so bizarre and you don't like it.
De-centering men means you aggressively push back on the female socialization we have been deeply brainwashed with since the day we are born - the belief that "being chosen" by a man is the single most important thing in our life, everything else be damned.
De-centering men means you instead prioritize yourself and put your desire, needs, goals, happiness and dreams above everything else. And relationship with a HVM becomes something like owning a luxury car - you dream of him sometimes, think that it would be nice to find a ideal HVM that enrich your life and fill you with happiness, you daydream here and there - but if you never find him? Oh well no loss here, you are already happy and fulfilled by yourself.
De-centering is totally detaching yourself from being burdened by men's foolishness. They no longer actively occupying your mind - they sort of becoming a background noise.
You literally don't care. Ideally LVMs and NVMs don't even register in your radar and you only take action when you or other women are threatened by those people. Whatever tactics they use to get a rise out you, it easily roll over your shoulder. You understand that shitty people are shitty, and whatever drama they try to pull you in, you calmly avoid it and go on with your life.
De-centering men means you remove them and their issues from your life, and only allow quality men to get your attention and be considered as a potential suitor. You literally embody the definition of "Giving ZERO f**ks".
And ideally when you are dating a man, whenever he starts to pull any of the scrotes tactic - you don't get confused and start thinking "What is he doing? Why is he doing this? What does this means?"
You simply raised an eyebrow because he is acting "weird". And immediately cut the date short. Like a queen dismissing her rude minister.
"But does that mean I cannot allow myself to be fully in love with my partner? That sounds awful."
It does if you keep thinking that in order to be x, you can never ever everrr be y - everything is black or white, one extreme to another, nothing in between at all.
Think of the opposite - does falling in love means you completely strip away your self-respect, personality, your own desire, goals, life, friends, family? (which a lot of women do unfortunately) - No right? Because you are human, you have complexities, layers, nuances - having one thing does NOT mean you have to completely abandon all the other things.
You can be a woman who de-center men from her life but trust her partner will all her heart and be completely in love with him.
It's called being selective with whom you give access to your heart.
But if shit happens and you found out that you are being disrespected - you have no problem leaving everything behind and start afresh. You feel the pain of betrayal, yes, heart's broken and all that - but at the same time you are methodically planning your departure.
"I know that this is good for me, but it seems so... selfish..."
A lot of times women are afraid to try things that are a little more selfish and self-serving because we are brainwashed to believe that we suddenly become the evilest evil to ever evil in the history of evils if we start prioritizing ourselves. It is all a lie - a patriarchal propaganda.
Men live all their life prioritizing themselves and never feel guilty about it - so why can't you?
You aren't born a monster narcissist psychopath that will burn the country down once you taste a little power, relax. Deep down you know who you are - prioritizing yourself won't suddenly turn you into a heartless monster. You are fully in-tune with your empathy - trust yourself a little more will you?
Don't knock it until you've tried it. Have faith in yourself.