I have a male coworker that unfortunately I must work closely with. And let me tell you the trash behavior I have observed.
Last week we attended a conference and I overheard him tell a group of females he was in a "situation." Things were unclear with him and "this" woman. I remained silent. Because you know I know the back story!
He's been with a woman, as far as I know for 13 years. They spend holidays together in Tahoe, have gone on ski trips. She has a key to his apartment. They don't live together. I don't think she thinks she's in a "situation"..... She sleeps over sometimes, we know because she appears in his Zoom calls early in the am from time to time.
She works in retail all day, 6 days a week. Her only day off is one day a week and that's typically the day they spend together. So it's been 13 years, no ring, no house, she works like a dog all day for not much (according to him). He works from home. In casual conversation, because they tell on themselves, he's told me about how he goes ruinning with a friend on saturdays, talks to his friend in NY every Sunday about politics, helps his friend with the movers and bring her to the doctor, etc. all these friends are women. Every time he mentions any friend, it's a woman. I've never heard him mention hanging out with a male friend. He is not gay. This man is 50+. And of course I'm way younger than him and he has quite often volunteered to come over and help me move, get groceries, fix my car, etc. I declined.
Sorry, not sorry but if you are a FG, he is playing you for a fool. Don't waste your time. These men ain't loyal to you or any woman.
There needs to be a set-in-stone timeline for dumping a man who is dating you but not marrying you.
The timeline varies between cultures, of course, but I'd say that timeline, in the U.S., is 2 years for women age 25 and above. If a man has dated you for 2 years but has not proposed and set a definite wedding date, YOU DUMP HIM. End of story.
"B..bu..but I'm 28, we've been together for 3 years, and we're waiting for him to finish grad school/get a job/get a promotion/buy a car/max out his 401(k)/blah blah blah!"
Yeah, you and every other 28-year-old who's fucked a man for 3 years and has no idea whether she'll be married or flying solo by age 30. Even if he marries you, he'll show you, in direct and indirect ways throughout your marriage, that you were not his first choice.
I say this not to age shame (after all, I'm in my late 30s and never married) but to emphasize the importance of absolute deadlines. If a man is from the U.S. and doesn't propose to you after dating you for 2 years, he just wants to fuck around. Period.
Ask me how I know.