I don’t know how people date more than one person. It sucks. I practically need a spreadsheet to remember who I told what, and no one wants to know the details of your other dates ....but for some reason they pry anyway about your schedule and what you’re doing and with who. When you are vague- even if it's just "with a friend"- they act like you are being shady, it's now wanting to know the friend's name and how you know them and etc. etc. When you answer in detail, you have to make stuff up, and my stories are believable but I am just not innately diabla enough to feel comfortable with it. I stress about being caught (and they do try to fact check me). It's exhausting. But at the same time it helps with becoming too attached to one. Does anyone else struggle with this? Do you just tell these guys you have a date and leave it at that? I'm sorry if this sounds pickme but I haven't multidated beyond 1 or 2 dates before, this is my first time seeing more than one person even after a half dozen dates (one would commit but I'm not sure if I want him yet). Thanks.
Sorry for the weird formatting!
Good question.
First, you do not owe anyone an explanation. If anyone asks for too many details, tell them it's none of their business. I've done this several times before. Don't worry about sounding rude, because they're being rude by prying.
Second, I understand not wanting to multi-date, because we are grown women with busy lives. For the past year, I've dedicated 150% to my professional life and have not really had time or energy to date even one person (let alone multiple people). I think dating isn't something we should prioritize if we are just too busy leveling up; after all, we should always prioritize our financial and professional well-being above socializing with men who, in all likelihood, will turn out to be scrotes.
If you don't have time or energy to multi-date, don't multi-date. Nothing good comes from forcing yourself.
Prying is a red flag tbh because it shows controlling paranoid behavior, it may be hot now but it basically means they don't see you as human. say the days and times your free and make them stick with that. Don't let them pressure you into complicating things.
Your problem isn't multi-dating itself but those controlling, prying and sketchy men. Ditch the guy immediately if he starts getting nosy and paranoid with whom you're spendin your time with. It's a screaming red flag for me.
Unless he's given you a ring and asked you to marry him, it's none of his business. Remember that, and stop letting these randos make you feel awkward. If they want full details about your entire life, they can marry you. That is the entire point.
Always give men the kind of responses they give us -
1) make fun of them for being jealous
2) deflect and ask them the same question
3) ghost it
4) answer in part / be vague
5) bare-faced sweet lie to make yourself seem nicer (when they lie about helping a family member)
I haven't multi-dated because frankly, I don't have the energy. But in theory, if I were to do that, I would want the men to know they've got competition.
As Naya already said upthread, you don't owe them an explanation - for that same reason, there's no need to make up lies. You don't have to throw the truth in their faces (unless you want to 😆). You also don't have to hide it. Give them as much or as little info as you are comfortable with. With an "if you don't like it, you can go pound sand" attitude.
If they want to be exclusive, it's on them to make their case for why you should consider allowing them that privilege. And you don't have to agree to be exclusive with a guy if you're not feeling it for whatever reason. If they don't like it, they can leave and save you the trouble of having to dump them.
You seem to feel apologetic and guilty about what you're doing. Those feelings put you at a disadvantage. I get it, the idea that this is not what "good girls" do gets pushed on us. Multi-dating means fighting that programming. It's not easy!
When they ask a nosy question, pause. Look at them straight in the eye and say quietly, "Why do you ask?"
They won't have a good reason (because they're either controlling or insecure). Challenge them on why they are prying. Then B&D the bad ones.
If a genuine HVM asks and you challenge him, he will communicate his care for you, and he will ask for an exclusive relationship. You can decide what to do next.
You can say you are with your other date. I agree if someone is prying for that info and doesn't get that you are dating others, you need to ditch that boundary pusher.
i could not do that i can barely remember the names of people i meet. it would be pretty funny trying to guess the names though lol