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I'm back on Facebook OLD, and I matched with a nice looking guy. We chatted for a couple of days, and he asked me what I was looking for, so I said my usual spiel about living apart together, keeping money separate, your kids are your business. No third marriage, no living together, but yes to lifetime, monogamous companionship since we're both older.
I asked him what he was looking for. He said he wanted someone with "family values" so I asked what he meant by that... and he unmatched me! I'm laughing. I told him honestly that my family was rather small these days, mostly since once again, I'm older. Age, as most of you know, means the gradual letting go of earthly ties, and quite often that means seeing people die off. It's a rather humbling part of life. I said I was a widow most recently, divorced in the 90s, no kids and never wanted any. I told him both parents are deceased, but that I have a brother and sister that I'm close to, plus some other family, as well as some friends and community. I just don't think I qualify as being family-oriented enough, and that's fine by me.
I'm wondering what I'm missing here, but let me hazard a few guesses, then I hope you FDS queens chime in. If a man says he wants a woman with "family values", I think he means someone who's completely self-sacrificing, who will be a mule, who will have no needs and no wants, etc. It just seems conservative code for something or other, and since I'm not at all conservative, I don't really know what a man means when he says that. I think I'm way too individualistic, liberal, and positively selfish to lie and say I'm family oriented. I know the relationship I want doesn't fit the conventional mold anyway... but then neither do I and never have.
What are your thoughts? I'm fascinated to know how others parse this.
The 🗑 took itself out for you.
I wouldn’t put any extra thought into what he meant. Most likely, he just threw it out there to sound impressive, and when you asked him to expound, he choked and ghosted. But, yeah, ‘family values’ is generally code for traditional, and we all know what that means.
At my age (mid 30s), it almost always means they want you to either be a broodmare or an unpaid nanny for their existing kids - or maybe both. Not sure what it might mean if you're outside that age range, but probably still something along the lines of you being willing to take care of them.
I ain’t got the slightest clue, maybe really traditional? Just be glad he didn’t waste more of your precious time. Poor girls will be a man a decade and a half and had kids with him, everyone except her has the same last name at the dinner table, still believes he is gonna marry her lol.
Probably code for "wives, submit to your husbands." These fools always forget that the Bible also tells husbands to honor their wives
With how you describe your demographic I think you're probably spot on. The fact that he blocked you immediately after you asked a basic question about something HE brought up just proves it. Since you had the temerity to ask a question, you weren't his type lol.
When I heard this back in highschool it meant the guy was going to try to baby trap you.