I'm back on Facebook OLD, and I matched with a nice looking guy. We chatted for a couple of days, and he asked me what I was looking for, so I said my usual spiel about living apart together, keeping money separate, your kids are your business. No third marriage, no living together, but yes to lifetime, monogamous companionship since we're both older.
I asked him what he was looking for. He said he wanted someone with "family values" so I asked what he meant by that... and he unmatched me! I'm laughing. I told him honestly that my family was rather small these days, mostly since once again, I'm older. Age, as most of you know, means the gradual letting go of earthly ties, and quite often that means seeing people die off. It's a rather humbling part of life. I said I was a widow most recently, divorced in the 90s, no kids and never wanted any. I told him both parents are deceased, but that I have a brother and sister that I'm close to, plus some other family, as well as some friends and community. I just don't think I qualify as being family-oriented enough, and that's fine by me.
I'm wondering what I'm missing here, but let me hazard a few guesses, then I hope you FDS queens chime in. If a man says he wants a woman with "family values", I think he means someone who's completely self-sacrificing, who will be a mule, who will have no needs and no wants, etc. It just seems conservative code for something or other, and since I'm not at all conservative, I don't really know what a man means when he says that. I think I'm way too individualistic, liberal, and positively selfish to lie and say I'm family oriented. I know the relationship I want doesn't fit the conventional mold anyway... but then neither do I and never have.
What are your thoughts? I'm fascinated to know how others parse this.