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Why are so many of you on OLD?

I occasionally see posts about users here using OLD. Why are so many of you using OLD? Don't know about you but for me, I swiped right for almost every guy I came across. Back when I played around with OLD, the men on OLD (regardless of which app I used) generally fall into these categories:

The boring guy. These guys are average to below average-looking, have jobs that don't pay a lot, and typical hobbies like sports and music. There's nothing about them that will make you particularly want to swipe right. These men earn less than me so I doubt things will work out if I end up with one of them.
The empty profile guy. Their profiles are blank, only has a picture of an object, or has one photo of themselves only (and they photo is often blurry). I wonder what these men are doing on OLD. Are they simply seeing that these apps are like or wanting to cheat without getting caught?
The PUA. These men give off PUA vibes with them flaunting their abs, muscles, car, or wealth. Many of them claim to be CEOs, doctors, or have some other wealthy occupations. You'll question if these men are truly this wealthy.
The decent guy who never messages you first or reply. These men appear to be the type I'm looking for with a decent white-collar job and looks but they pretty much never message me first. Even if I do message them first, they never reply. I wonder of they are bots.
The non-local guy. These men appear great but they don't live in the city, country, or even continent as you. Why are they even looking for women in your local area?

So why are so many of you on OLD? I can't even find a decent guy to have a conversation with.

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Comments (22)

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hamburgerfries

I think that even the best of us (not me) fall prey to the propaganda that "this is how it's done these days, just like looking for a job." I think they may be living in an area, either rural or suburban at best, that has no hope for finding someone after college. It's sad. I live in a suburban area and the pain I feel knowing that this is not the place for a single person to live, is very palpable. However, it is near my church, grocery store, doctor's offices, major parks, and is relatively safe. I was born in this city and raised in it. However, I can't stomach the notion of putting my picture on the internet and dehumanizing myself as if I were only an advertisement for men to sift through and decide whether to message me and meet me somewhere. That is insanely creepy and I don't understand why more people don't empathize with our objection to it.

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fireforestfairy

Replying to

Yes, nobody is obliged to use OLD given how terrible and dangerous it can be.

I think being set up is one of the best ways to meet men (that is, if that person has your best interests at heart as opposed to setting you up with random men). I live in a city, and so far, nobody had tried to set me up with a guy. I can't help but feel like if the people I know HVM compatible with me, they would already have shown initiative in trying to set me up.

I understand some people are respectful and will not automatically set up singles they know (as those singles may wish to stay single), but I don't want to sound like a pick me asking people I know to set me up with men.

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hamburgerfries

Replying to

If I had only one objection to being set up, I think it's a legit one.

It's the scenario - hypothetically, at the moment - where I'm introduced to a guy, and I think I like him, but I can see the immediate look of rejection on his face. I don't feel equipped to handle that sort of thing.

I struggle with sensitivity, but no one's going to be able to stop me.

fireforestfairy

Replying to

To be fair this can happen with other methods of meeting men. I think it's more of a concern where a rejection can affect the relationship between you and the person wanting to set you up.

IMO the person setting two people up should provide both people with info about each other so that they know what to expect. That person should only proceed with the set up if both people are ok with the info they are presented with. But yes, people are often different from how they appear.

Unimpressed 🤷🏼‍♀

I reactivate my Hinge every now and again, but I won't ever send 'likes' on it--I let them come to me. My only reason for using it is to filter out all the profiles that don't explicitly say "Don't Want Children" on them. I'm childfree and want a man who is on the same page before I ever even entertain going on a first date. It's one of those huge dealbreakers that can be difficult to vet IRL. Men lie and pretend to be childfree to get in your pants. If they express not wanting children before they even start a conversation with me or see my profile, it's usually enough indication to me that they may be worth meeting (given that there are no other red flags, of course).

But, IMO it's still a waste of time, and I have made peace with being perpetually single until I meet my unicorn vasectomized HV childfree man

Unimpressed 🤷🏼‍♀

Replying to

Yup, but men who aren't on dating apps lie too. That's why it's important to never stop vetting, regardless of how you meet 👌🏼

ETA: Also, even men you meet IRL may still be on the apps. Most probably are... Soo that's another thing to vet for. I'm not really sure how to screen for this beyond snooping on his phone, which I've always found difficult to do without getting caught

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fireforestfairy

Replying to

Oh yes men irl lie too. It's just harder for them to get away with lying when he's part of your social circle (a mutual acquaintance may reveal that he is actually lying to you). And I don't know how to say this but if a man is HV, he will probably have little need to use OLD as he can easily attract women.

Well there's "Are We Dating the Same Guy". This Facebook group is not popular where I live though so I doubt it's that useful.

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luxurylover

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Replying to

Exactly. HV men are in high demand and would therefore hardly need to use dating apps.

Unknown member

Personally, yes it's a clusterfuck, but so is IRL. And at least I meet some potential HVMs on the apps. They're far and few between, but I let the guys lead and don't put much time/effort in so it doesn't detract from my life in any way.

And, I feel like being on the apps helps me keep my standards higher than if I only ever encountered men IRL. There's a sense of scarcity that creeps in since I rarely even encounter single men despite having a reasonably active social life, and the few I do are... well, hideous.

fireforestfairy

Replying to

Did you end up dating any of the men you met on OLD?

I rarely come across single men irl too, but then I don't want to go to a matchmaker or events for singles. I heard that the men there tend to be awful.

Glistening Nebula

I tried OLD and heard stories from ppl on OLD and I never want to touch that. Most of these men are losers, and it's better to take Shera Seven advice and go to rich neighborhoods and try to go through the trash of online dating.

hamburgerfries

Replying to

Doesn't the notion of men earning less than you also mean that in the event of a divorce, you are the one to pay alimony?

FlameThrower

Replying to

Not really, especially if your earnings are close to each other. The judge in that case would probably not even have alimony on the table. Alimony is usually used to not leave any party financially destitute and make sure both parties are at least okay to make it. If you are both high earners, there really isn't a reason for that. But it depends also on your full estate together, as well. If a judge sees you both are more than completely financially secure alone, they more than like wouldn't order anyone to pay anything for alimony.

fireforestfairy

Replying to

Where I live, matrimonial assests get split in equal halves if the couple cannot agree on how to split the assests for divorce. Some rich men get way with this by transferring the ownership of the assests to someone else before a divorce.

Reformed & Former ‘Pick Me’

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we’re on OLD to employ the Burned Haystack Dating Method (BHDM) “Burn the Haystack, Find the Needle” https://burnedhaystack.substack.com/p/dont-go-chasing-butterflies

fireforestfairy

Replying to

I'll check out this method.

Unimpressed 🤷🏼‍♀

Replying to

The only flaw with this "strategy" is that we are more likely to just be wasting our time burning hay when there isn't a needle to be found.

fireforestfairy

Replying to

I think so too. IMO HVM have little reason to use OLD as he can easily attract women irl (maybe except if he lives in a small remote town). The time spent on dating apps can be spent on leveling up instead.

Why are so many of you on OLD?

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