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I don't know if it's because I look a little bit younger than my age or what, but I've noticed some men who are clearly "interested" will talk to me in this way that I can only best describe as "a predatory older male trying to seem cool to a young woman". It's their body language and the tone of voice they use, and often will act amazed, almost like they were surprised by something I do or said or have and didn't expect that from me or something. There's like, a line here - I know sometimes people being surprised by something can be a genuine reaction, but something about this feels infantilizing. Like I said the vibe makes me feel like I'm like, a teenager and her creepy male teacher is trying to impress her and flatter her or something like that.
Again not sure if it's cuz of how I look (besides looking a bit younger I also have funky hair which also might make me look a particular way to other people) but in general I will find men are like "surprised" by my job or some of my interests as if they couldn't believe someone like me would be into those sorts of things. It's very "girls only care about makeup and pink! I can't believe you can do an Intellectual Pursuit™!" Or even if they compliment something about my looks again it'll have that weird undertone...I've received genuine compliments about my hair or a cool outfit, but the way these types do it, is it feels like they're trying to butter me up.
I know I'm not the only one who has experienced this...I'm not being crazy right?
Not at all crazy. I’m 54 and don’t look it and men act all “surprised” that I’m not married a third time — scooped up by some rando off the street, I guess, dragged by my hair caveman style back to his cave. They’re surprised I taught middle school and did so for 20 years; wow that’s so “tough” — yeah buddy, for you it’d be impossible. They’re surprised I’m not dating, don’t miss sex (hooray menopause, I love being in complete control of myself and teens and 20s were a nightmare rollercoaster of all the feelings). It’s sexism and projection. I basically do the thing where I just keep asking them to explain it, like you do with a horrible joke. Either they come clean or they just run out of steam because they can’t really tell their true, shitty intentions. My entire life I’ve confronted this, esp growing up the baby of the family. You will see me and treat me as an equal or you get no attention or room in my life.
It annoys me how men are incredibly taken aback by the fact that I'm a programmer. Literally so many men out there are programmers, it's a pretty common job to have in 2022. It doesn't require any incredible intellectual prowess. Yet it's somehow miraculous that I'm a woman who codes for a living. I brush off those types of condescending compliments, by saying that I just put in the work and got a degree in computer science like everybody else.
Oh god yes, I know exactly what you're referring to. Like Forest Nymph, I'm also a programmer, so I get this from men out in the world who immediately feel as though they need to assume a "mentor" role towards me, as though their guidance is greatly required?? Not to mention, my ex-husband seemed to have some sort of DDLG desire going on and would constantly talk to me in a sing-songy, high-pitched voice you'd expect to hear from a father talking to his daughter. He would suffix lots of things about myself with "-let", like my body parts and my name. I fucking hated it and it was of course a huge red flag that he just wouldn't stop when I told him to over and over. He ended up being physically and sexually abusive as well.
Sorry to trauma dump a little there, but it was just to demonstrate-- you're absolutely 100% not crazy, this is a real thing that misogynist men do. They think women are literal forever children.
Well I am not a programmer, I work in a female dominated industry. I started a new job 2 weeks ago, and my 2 male colleagues have both condescended to me. I work with people in their own homes, and occasionally we need two of us to meet up there. I had an address that was difficult to find, but find it I did. My colleague then rang me up and gave me directions, even after I had stated "yes, I am looking at the road sign of XXXX right now, pretty sure I'm here." Then he rang back again to give me further directions, and would you believe I was still in the right place :D
I rang the other colleague up one to help with directions. He then called me back later to tell me what my job was with this particular patient... after I had finished up and was on my way out.
Men just don't listen.
My woman colleagues assume I'm fine until stated otherwise.
I got my first dog a few years ago, and only then I realized that my ex used to talk to me like I talk to my dog. I was literally his pet.
I've had men and women patronize me this way. No idea what to do except question them in their beliefs. Not on topic, but what I hate even more is when men start talking about themselves as babies and using baby voices. So creepy. I go cold.