OK, I am doing a master's degree in the UK and last Friday I went out to a club with some of my friends of the master's and I had a few drinks and kissed one of my friends, The problem is that I know that this guy and let's call him Jacob and another girl from the same group let's call her Ana had a casual sex relationship. But since that kiss happened I feel a lot of physical chemistry with Jacob and I just want to kiss him again (but I really don't want to start casual sex with him) we want to go to dinner tomorrow to discuss what we both want but my concern is that since Ana found out about the kiss she is mentally not well, she cries all the time, goes home before the end of the classes and can't look me in the eyes.
I talked to both Jacob and Ana separately and they told me that it was something "casual and not serious" before the kiss happened but her reaction is really killing me, we are not friends but I am very worried about her reaction. What should I do? Am I doing wrong?
Girl, if that story is true the "girl code" is the least of your problems and you really need to read the handbook again. All people involved here behaved in a low value way and since you can do nothing about how others behave you should look into your own actions here...
Why on earth are you making out with a guy in a club knowing he has a casual sex thing with another woman? There are so many red flags in that sentence alone...
Why are you kissing that guy before you had a single real date to vet him?
Why are you pursuing him instead of him pursuing you?
Why are you wasting your time with a man who engages in casual sex at all? Do you want to ride community dick and enjoy the random assortment of free STDs he'll give you?
Why are you wasting your time with him if you know he is casually seeing another woman at the same time? A woman you know and who is in pain because of that right now and whom you are turning into the overreacting bad guy instead of... you know... the cheating scum who is messing with you both.
And... if I read that right and you are all in the same grad school/master's degree: Why on earth are you taking part in all that drama in what you could consider your current workplace?! Depending on how small your field is the allies and enemies you make now will have a huge impact on your future career. What if one of them some day ends up in a position of power over you or in a position where they could help you but won't because of all that immature bullshit?
I could go on for quite a while but I'm sure you get the point. Nothing about the whole situation you describe has anything to with following FDS principles or behaving in high value way. It sound like messy, toxic, childish high school bullshit and you are definitely too old for that.
What he did to Ana, he’ll do to you. Really look at the situation and think – is this guy conducting himself in a HV way?
The whole situation is low value. Girl code isn’t real though. Would you enjoy being used as a replaceable sex object? If so, go ahead and continue dealing with this man. He is LOW VALUE and you and this other girl are doing nothing but inflating his low value ego. Hurting another woman over a moid is not the hill you want to die on. You are in the wrong. Block and delete sis.
You and Ana are not friends. Therefore, you are not breaking the girl code. Ana is responsible for her own feelings towards Jacob. If she can't deal, that's her problem.
However, I'll warn you that men like Jacob are almost guaranteed to be LV. He sounds like the kind of scrote who likes collecting harems. Proceed with extreme caution with Jacob, and remember there's a 99.9% chance he'll hurt you.
Did he clearly express an interest in you before the kiss happened? Because if he didn't, you're offering yourself on a platter and most men will gladly gobble you up.
Whether she's your friend or not is irrelevant - this is a monumentally shit thing to do to another woman, especially in the name of this fucking douchebag. He ain't no prize, babe.
I understand that you're not instigating anything here, but regardless, by going along with it you are still complicit in causing her pain. How would you feel if this was done to you?
If she’s you’re friend, this is a betrayal.
If she isn’t, then regardless, the guy sets off at least yellow flag alarm bells. If he’ll take you out for dinner great, but don’t sleep with him unless he locks you down as a gf so he can’t pull the FWB switcheroo on you.
She cries all the time? Jesus Christ, thats intense. The only time ive ever gone around crying all the time in front of people is when theres been a death in my family. There's something wrong with her. "Crying all the time" is just such a weird detail to this story, I cant get past it.