I don’t know if I’m capable of this with men anymore. I’m pretty guarded in general (tough childhood) and have a few ride-or-die women in my life that I can share anything with, but I can’t really remember the last time I felt emotionally intimate with a male partner. I’ve had longer relationships (some multi year), but aside from the first guy I dated in college, I really haven’t connected that way with a man. Usually, I find that they’re not great listeners (jump into solutioning), try to manage me (weird guru vibes), or I don’t really give them the chance in the first place.
Is there a way to vet for this? I know FDS does not recommend sharing trauma or being too vulnerable, but if I want emotional intimacy in a future partner, how does this happen?
Excuse me for not having anything positive to say, I just liked your phrase:
“Usually, I find that they're not great listeners (jump into solutioning), try to manage me (weird guru vibes), or I don't really give them the chance in the first place.”
I feel similar. Especially about your second point: Most of the men I’ve been romantically involved with were bizarrely into the idea of teaching me something. Many of them dreamt of training me, in the literal sense as if they were fitness experts. Whenever a guy mentions “I could train you haha” it just turns me off very much.
I wish I had a tactic to share, but I have yet to meet a man I feel emotionally comfortable with.