I wrote this not long ago but deleted it because I thought it was only getting "views," but I regret deleting it because I feel so alone in this.
I had posted recently about a "family friend" who my dad has known for over 50 years, who casually suggested to me that if I wanted to go on a walk but felt unsafe, that I could take him along. I didn't respond any more than an apathetic "yeah" because it was on the phone. A few days later he called my dad to request the same thing of me, and that was when I suspected that the "family friend" had some sort of fixation on me.
Anyway, I have been bothered by what my dad has been saying/doing. He doesn't think that this guy is dangerous or that he's "after me." Not only that, he (dad) thinks that if I am neither too nice nor too mean when rejecting someone, it won't cause him to get offended and that we should try not to offend him by my response to him. I'm like - so it's the way I respond that is the reason for a man to go apeshit and that I have to do it in "just the right way" so that they can graciously exit?
I don't like to hate people, but I'm struggling not to feel plain hatred for men who endorse these points of view.
I remember your post and was confused why it was gone lol. You seem to be a nice person and, in a feminist utopia, your niceness would be an asset. But men tend to slap "easy prey" label to nice women and "nice rejection" is labelled "try harder buddy" in their minds.
Rejecting a man is a rigged game. No matter how we do it, we'll always be the bad guy. If any male bad reaction to our rejection will be our fault anyway, the only way to win is to not play the game.
Do not engage with men you don't want to engage, as much as possible. Make up excuses to not meet or talk. If convo is unavoidable, practice grey rock and exercise selective hearing.
Reading what you said about your dad, I'd give no fucks to his opinions. Don't let it bother you. He doesn't seem to care about your safety and feelings. That family friend is a creep.
This guy sounds persistent and creepy… you also don’t owe him anything. If it were me I would be blunt and say, “I’m not interested in going on a walk with you, stop asking”. Sometimes you need to make things crystal clear for these scrotes to understand.
I strongly advise you to never go on a walk with this man. He sounds like a creep who may want to harm you. In fact, I advise you to never be alone with this man. If he visits your house, I suggest you leave the room (even if it's just to go to the bathroom or to work in the garden) or leave the house. (It's probably best not to announce that you're leaving the house though or he may follow you or ask to come with you). Do this every time he visits. I also advise you to stop answering his phone calls. Men like this will take any attention at all as encouragement. If he or your father asks about the walks, just say that you've changed your mind or you're too busy but thanks for the offer. Don't worry about offending this man or being rude, your safety is more important than his feelings.
Was it the man who knew he wanted to date you at 12 or am I remembering it wrong? 🤢 im sorry about that