I've been taking a break from all social media aside from the occasional check-in since the first week of January. I've also been limiting the access men have to me, except for the male family members I love and trust and the occasional dude at work I can't avoid because I felt this coming on and thought a break from the internet hate would help. It really hasn't.
I had a huge group of peacocks show up in my yard a few days ago and I've been trying to find the owners while they hung out with my chickens. Made a FB post about it to the county open forum and people have been sharing it. Today an old high school friend commented that I should keep them, she would love them but her husband would freak out if she brought more birds home and I responded that I was single, if I decided to keep them there was nobody else in my house to freak out about it and the amount of sheer HATE I got from random men (in a chicken keeper's group for this area that I don't even know who tf they are) was astounding. My sister and I ended up taking down our posts because of it and are just going to wait for the county grapevine to do it's thing (not as fast as FB but it'll get the job done). I never responded to these men and I just reported and blocked them but some of the comments were especially unhinged.
This shouldn't even phase me. Steelheart isn't an IRL nickname of mine for nothing. But being this was a completely innocent 'come get yo burds outta my yard' and really should have stayed that way it's making me rage in a way I haven't felt since I was married to the manchild.
I know it's just these men coping, I know it's dumb and stupid to let them affect me, but I took a break to stop feeling this way and it all just came rushing back the moment I saw all of that. I'm beginning to wonder if there are any decent men left outside of my family, and if I'll ever find one that I want to keep around for more than the thirty seconds it takes for him to open his mouth. I'd been thinking that I might want to try dating again and this has completely shut that desire down.
I'm feeling angry (and that's a woefully inadequate description), tired, and hopeless. Help me please.
EDIT; I just spent an hour going after my heavy bag and then a nice long bath, and I'm starting to think what's bothering me the most is the death of my hope that I'll meet a good man I can love someday. I've been cataloging all of the interactions I've had with men IRL since my break and it's pretty bleak. Today may just have been the final straw. I'm not sure how to deal with that so I'm just going to sleep and hope I feel better in the morning.
Edit 2; I spent some time with my dad and assorted uncles/cousins/male friends that might as well be family today and I am feeling better. I've been in the shop alone most of the last couple
weeks keeping the amazon orders caught up and doing some organizing since most of the menfolk have been off working on the new hay barn around plowing and sorting cattle for the spring breeding groups. Today I was finished by 10 am so I showed up to help on the new barn and the first words that were said to me were my big cousin asking me what was wrong with my jeep that had me popping the hood in the driveway when he drove past this morning. He had every intention of fixing it for me on his lunch break if it was still a problem. He's only a few years older than me, so there are good ones in my age range out there. I just have to find one that's not a blood relation lol.
I actually think there's a lot of women who actively hate men but there's just a few that are willing to accept that fact and not lie to themselves and others about it.