Do you think they're a good or bad distraction? I mean for example women who idealize k-pop singers, or actors, or book characters, or Instagram personalities... Someone who you'll never meet or maybe doesn't even exist. I think it's healthier than joining the apps, or idealizing a real existing man. As long as you don't really end up stalking them, wanting to be their gf... Just allowing the lovey dovey feelings in a safe environment , a man who won't hurt you (you don't even know him lol). Do you find the benefits too or it's better to avoid this, and if yes why? Thank you
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I would never crush on any celebrities, influencers, singers, etc. It's a terrible distraction and a waste of your time and energy.
If you want to have crush on a man, it's better if it's a fictional character, not the male actor playing the character. If you're into webtoons, anime, or reading fictional books, then that's fine because the man doesn't exist, and you won't ever find a man in real life that will completely resemble the character.
I honestly used to believe it was harmless, but similar to the other commenter, if it's used as a bad coping mechanism for your self esteem, maladaptive daydreaming/fantasizing/limerence, or in any other sense a distraction from working on yourself and leveling up it's a waste of time. Been down the "wholesome celebrity man turns out to be huge prick or literal felon/rapist" road too many times (male and female tbh) so I don't idolize any public figures anymore. I realized it basically directly conflicts with my values because I wouldn't like the amount of self interest and obsession it takes to reach the rich and famous level, not to mention it's almost always pursued to compensate for some vendetta, trauma, or emotional inadequacy I'm not interested in solving.
That being said, I do imagine types of men I'd like to be with so I'd know an example of someone who met my standards if I saw them. I imagine the types of love I would want out of a relationship and how I'd like to receive and return that love so that I keep my eyes open and notice someone who really cares. It's kind of my antidote to ensure I don't end up thinking too negatively/cynically and helps me somewhat believe "not all men" so I can maintain openness to a future connection but not project the fantasy of a celebrity crush onto them.
I think idolizing real people is bad. The way people act about kpop idols or even actors like Chris Evans is just insane and unhealthy to an extreme. I don’t recommend having crushes in general but especially not on public figures. At the end of the day that’s a real human person you might accidentally wind up next to at the same hotel or restaurant or whatever. They’re people. They exist. Not saying crushes are bad, but idolizing and fangirling over real people isn’t healthy nor productive.
But a CHARACTER is a safe thing because they don’t exist. Having crushes on fictional characters is definitely something I enjoy and is safe to do. After all there is no harm fantasizing about people who aren’t real and who you truly will never meet.
I don't think it's bad as long as it's within reason, I find mild crushes to he enjoyable and it doesn't negatively affect me, so why not?
It also helps me in having a good "image" to associate with men, helps me not dwell on hating the male species (which depresses me even if justified as I still have to deal with them), it also helps me know my physical standards as someone who isn't attracted to men in my country, lastly it helps me keep my standards high as the men I'm attracted to always have the what I want, and seeing it manifested reminds me why I want that and conditions me to stick to it.
I immediately stop if I start thinking about them often though, I don't want to feel bad about not being able to have them in my life. I also never idealize them as that is it's own issue, I think it stims from low self esteem and thinking that an "ideal" person exists (not you) and getting noticed by that person affirms your worth, it's a bad coping mechanism and one that makes you constantly feel worthless as you'll never meet this person, it also makes you focus on the wrong traits in a person.
At the end of the day you know yourself best and can tell if a habit you have is bad if it's affecting your life negatively.
I agree with others; I think having a crush or fantasy is a distraction from real life.
The times in my life I’ve harbored a crush or fantasy, it’s been when I am unhappy or discontent, and I’m trying to escape. I’d rather put energy toward creating the beautiful life I want - rather than wasting energy on a phantom relationship that doesn’t benefit me.
FDS is about maximizing female benefit. I don’t see how crushes or fantasies benefit women.
That said, some people have rich imaginations and more creative personalities than me, so if you feel that crushes/fantasies inspire you in some creative or artistic way, then who am I to judge.
Having a little crush on an actor or something happens sometimes, and I think its fine. Just dont indulge it too much. Dont, like, actually fantasize about them. That's not healthy.
But I draw the line at fictional characters, and especially cartoon characters. Having crushes on cartoons is creepy.