I was in Amsterdam for work. I bicycled up to my hotel and this Dutch guy who I had met the night before asked me to come and have a drink with him and his colleagues- (10 other professionals from the Eastern part of the country that were in Amsterdam for a conference).
I said, "hmmm, what kind of drink?"
He said, "Wine."
"Red or white?"
He said, "Red. Malbec."
So he was paying attention the night before to exactly what I like to drink (prob because men pay attention to how to lubricate you for sexual availability). And he definitely micro- pursued me. He approached me, he talked to me and I was bit reserved and he still tried it....I heard that Dutch men often expect women to pursue.
I hung out with him and this group briefly the night before so I was expecting more of a party atmosphere but when we walked back into the restaurant, they had just finished dinner. I started to feel like I had been tricked onto a date/ interview of the women he picked up. I totally got the vibe that he is the bachelor that behaves like too much of a dog to get a "good woman".
I am so happy that I got my glass of wine (a Dutch woman told me that Dutch men are notoriously cheap) and that when he tried to put his arm around me I said, "That is too much touching." Because at the end of the hour he left without saying goodbye!
Also, it was a reminder to me to:
not give chances to men that you are not attracted to. He was okay but I was "open" because he is tall and wealthy (I am not wealthy but I am very financially stable) and 5 years younger. If a man is only going to offer fwb, I can get a man with a full head of or hair and a 6 pack. I felt annoyed that I was "dumped/rejected" by a very mediocre looking man on a "date" that I didn't know was a date.
I made the mistake of being "convenient". Don't do last minute dates! Had he really been interested in more than sex, he would have made other arrangements.
FDS is international- but it is for women that want to be cherished. I mostly live and work abroad in Europe. When men say to me, "this is how we do it in my culture", my response is, "I guess you should date a woman from your culture." They always ask for another date.
I AM SINGLE. SO maybe I am not "successful" but I also do not feel that I made a big mistake by having standards and boundaries. Most women around the world (even in the West) are being treated badly- so adjust accordingly.
It is fascinating to me that birth rates are dropping in wealthy, Western European countries and yet men being gross is never offered as an answer and simultaneously a lot of these women begin to date men from other places in the hopes of feeling warmth, passion and romance. Far right movements get all pissy and racist but why date a Sanders that treats you like trash when you can date a Bilal who at least pretends to be romantic for the first 3 months?
My theory is that men that like you behave universally by providing and protecting but the sad reality is that most men do not actually like women. Its just that the west has been able to put a liberal spin on men's laziness/ dislike of women.
“Maybe you should date a woman from your own culture then” that’s a killer line, totally stealing it 😅