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I see a lot of posts and guides about red flags and other really obvious things that scream GET OUT IMMEDIATELY but I wanted to make a list of minor red flags.
Sometimes you might be dating a guy that is acting pretty good in many ways, but then little things slip out.
Examples:
Makes a comment about how hard it is for men to date, or that women have so many more options on dating apps compared with men - if it's just casually mentioned you might have a bit of general sympathy, but honestly I think HVM wouldn't dare complain about this sort of thing with you if he's trying to impress you.
Bikini model follow on social media - you might try to justify it to yourself, well at least it's not porn etc.
Made quite a few comments about how expensive things are, especially about jewellery and flowers and/or how they're unnecessary and he would prefer a relationship based on non-materialistic things. This usually means he wants to be cheap with you (bonus points for spoiling himself at the same time)
You make a minor but reasonable complaint and he complies but seems put off by it
Mentions sex, like in jokes or random comments before you're in a relationship
Looks at his phone too many times while he is with you
You feel a bit anxious (more than just general anxiety with people) about his messaging frequency)
They're too interested in their image on social media
They seem to complain about things but not take any responsibility or have any humility e.g. planning things is too hard! I don't know how to cook etc. or blame others a lot for why they can't do it. They will do it to you too.
They're too aloof or vague such as with their life goals e.g. I don't know, we'll see, I'm not sure yet.
When someone else is acting badly to you in front of him he doesn't stick up for you and cares more about what other people think than he respects you aka he's very conflict avoidant and doesn't have a backbone.
His friends are LVM
"Close" female friends
I feel like these are all things, that if you asked people in general they would see them as minor. I think that on paper they look bad but it can be easy to overlook minor things that eventually turn into bigger issues. If a guy is really trying to impress you, I really believe he wouldn't do these things, and the main goal is to find a HVM you can reasonably rely on and maximise your benefit in the relationship as much as possible.
Part of FDS is being RUTHLESS, and yes that might mean that it takes longer to find a HVM, but not only will you weed out a lot of LVM, but it's much easier to block and delete earlier than later. The last thing that you want is to settle, he should be adding to your life, not just a companion that doesn't make you happy.
Thanks for sharing your list. I agree that minor red flags are just as red as major red flags.
I'll share a recent anecdote to corroborate your point that we cannot tolerate any man who makes "comments about how expensive things are".
I'm in my late 30s. This past summer, I was chatting with a nice-looking, educated, age-appropriate man on an app. He seemed polite and intelligent, until he casually mentioned he used to refuse to travel for fun because he "used to think travel was a waste of money." That was the block-and-delete moment for me.
Now, I'm no avid traveler myself; I think travel is nice but not as important to me as it is for some people.
But in the first few messages/conversations, if a 40-year-old man cannot refrain from complaining about the price of something normal people enjoy, then he is telling you, in no uncertain terms, that he is a cheapskate, and that cheapness will dictate your interactions going forward.
As a grown woman, I refuse to let cheap man energy infest my life.
It's about the energy, not the dollar amount.
Cheap man energy will hold you back. Provider man energy will help you flourish.
If a man mentions he "used" to think something is a waste of money, that's a hint he still thinks it's a waste of money.
Pranks and teasing are minor red flags in my opinion. Sure I expect a prank on april fools but not every day.
The only pranks I allow is causing me confusion, or a phone prank playing a soundboard, but never scare pranks, embarassment in public or doing anything physical.
It's a sign that he wished he could antagonize you or hurt you physically. I know so and I can't be proven wrong.
The kinds of media he consumes can be a red flag too, ie. watching shows like Game of Thrones (soft porn) or listening to music with misogynistic lyrics. If I ever find myself using dating apps, any profile that indicates a man is into questionable media is a hard pass.
Asking who you are living with. Aka can he come for sex at your place cause he doesn't have his own.