I logged into an old Facebook account and curiosity got the best of me. An ex who I never really liked that much (in fact have made a post on here about how much of a slob he was) was in the recent searches from God knows when.
He had this female friend who I was creeped out by. I have nothing against normal healthy opposite sex friendships but this was WEIRD. Something was off. "Don't worry, she's a lesbian!" - later it came out she was bi which is NOT the same thing. "My friend K, who is a model" - I heard so much about her being a "model" that it started to feel like a neg. 6 months into the relationship it came out that he LOST HIS VIRGINITY TO HER. But what I heard nonstop was that she was just a friend and I'm jealous and crazy and blah blah.
I clicked the Facebook search and guess what? In a relationship with K. Whoda thunk. Not that it bothers me (I couldn't wait to get rid of him over the few months I dated him as a spineless young woman), but it's a cautionary tale about female friends you're not comfortable with and the excuses men give you.
My ex's whom I had children with proclaimed for over 5 years that his best friend from childhood was simply a good friend that was a woman. When I decided that marriage to him was NOT for me and moved on with my children he struggled financially and relied on her family for relief. And, although she was married, she divorced and married him instead. She's had to support him financially throughout her marriage because he refused to work - so he could avoid child support, and later when his DL was revoked he could not drive. She aged poorly and suffrered emotionally to the extent that her mother had to get involved with him to help him understand how to be a better "husand". It baffles me that she would even marry him considering the above, let alone believe anything that he told her but men lie about their past relationships and their life in general.
Yup.
Men. Are. Not. Our. Friends.
99.99999% of men who have a close "platonic" female friend are in the friendship because that is all she has allowed from him.
The female friend may actually consider the man a platonic friend, but there is usually a 100% chance the "friendship" is anything but platonic in his eyes.
For most men, "being friends" with a woman is translation for "I'd like to date/fuck her, but she hasn't agreed to it—for now. So I'll bide my time."
Yes, even if she is married. Yes, even if she has never had a romantic thought towards him.
Ive spent enough time on r/relationships to know that if your boyfriend has an Uber-close female bestie, you need to make it crystal clear that you are NOT comfortable with them hanging out without you. Don't fall for the propoganda that it makes you a jealous controlling bitch. Even if she has a boyfriend, herself. Best case scenario, their "friendship" evolves into a full blown emotional affair. Or he starts negging you into being more of a "cool girl" (read compromising on your boundaries) like she is. The next thing you know, you're on r/AITA wondering if you're the bad guy for not wanting your unborn daughter to be named after her.
I know that this is an old post, but I learned this the hard way. Over two years ago I dated a man a little under a year. Things were opening up after the pandemic, but I never met any of his friends as they stopped hanging out because of the pandemic. Then after awhile, I learned that all of his best friends are women. One, his bestie named K, is married with two young children and the ex is the godfather of one of them. Now he went over to K’s house quite a bit for Christmas gifts and birthday parties, and I was never invited. Once when I asked how long he had known K and where they met, he said “awhile ago and through someone else.” When I asked him when he was vasectomized, his response was “awhile ago.” I never got straight answers. They did not seem to have anything in common. The ex carried on with other women as well, married and single. Yeah, he cheated on me with at least one of them. After all of this, I was curious one day and figured out K’s full name and found her FB. I found pictures shortly before she quickly married her husband that made it clear that my “ex” and she were together as a couple. And then she had him be the godfather to her son who was born shortly after.
I don’t get any of this, but I honestly think those two are not just friends to this day and why the husband is ok with this is beyond me.
There is another “friend” from work who is also married that he would “help” all of the time.
I will no longer give a man with female besties the time of day.
My ex ended up having twin boys with his female "friend".
When they say "she's just a friend" it means "she's everything but a friend". In a normal, healthy friendship he would say "she's a friend". That's it.