Reasons why texting can be low/negative value:
Manipulative:
- creates false intimacy, makes you think he's taking time for you when he isn't
- asking you questions to gain information to then feed back to you to gain your trust
- if he has a written log of everything you've ever said to him it's easy for him to "search" back in those conversation and use those weaknesses against you at his convenience
- if using AI/chatgpt to draft answers he is neither answering as himself nor with his own voice
- By texting he knows you are more likely to interpret what he means in his favor because you like him and you have fewer means to perceive negative context/intentions
- texting makes you think you have their attention when you are likely part of a rotation - mass texts and scheduled mass texts are easy!
- he could literally adopt a persona over text that isn't even him and you'll never know until you meet him. If that first time also happens to be a risky situation for you because you figured "you knew him and could trust him by now" that could quickly become dangerous if he's not who he says he is
- sending you nudes/explicit material when there are no repercussions if you say no
- soliciting nudes and then later using them for revenge porn
- expects you to be constantly available by text and answer messages instantly or message constantly
- double text, spamming, or begging you to respond (the amount of texts or their contents has no connection to their actual feelings for you)
Lazy:
- texting can be done while doing other things so you aren't getting the person's focus just a small portion of their attention
- all kinds of texting templates and AI exist so he doesn't have to even read what you say to draft a response
- talking all night over text does not constitute a date as you didn't physically see them or even hear them at all
- texting is low effort, quick, and free and therefore shouldn't be seen as an exceptional investment of any kind - again mass/scheduled texts are easy
- low effort communication = low effort in bed
Useless for Vetting:
- if they use AI you don't know their natural speech or writing pattern
- if they're texting you won't see their face or hear their voice or laugh
- they can mass copy/paste messages to multiple people so you can't know if they're writing an original message or not
- you can't sense a bad vibe in body language or appearance over text
- someone can disguise bad in person social skills with good writing and you won't know until you meet them
- you can't tell their hygiene or smell
- you're going by his words rather than his actions
By responding:
- you look like you have nothing else going on and are constantly accessible
- you look needy and desperate, like you're afraid of the relationship not happening (scarcity mindset fallacy)
- if you respond to boring or one word messages it demonstrates you're willing to do the emotional labor of carrying the conversation
- you are conditioning yourself to anxiously await their response and get a dopamine hit when you get a reply, reinforcing the cycle of seeking validation from his messages
- you demonstrate that you settle for messaging instead of a date
- you remove any incentive he has to make plans to see you since he gets access to your time and energy via text
- you remove a significant amount of mystery and anticipation from the relationship by giving frequent updates about your routines, comings and goings, etc.
TL;DR: With the invention of AI texting is now useless in terms of telling anything about a person, ergo it's useless except in very basic instances of logistics planning.
Great post, thank you! As a follow up question for you, how would say that to him? Prefering phone calls over text where, in my case, in the very early days