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Even if you're not a single mom, it's never a bad idea to ask a man how he feels about stepchildren. His answer will reveal quite a lot about who he is as a person.
Because if he claims to want to be a father, but doesn't want to raise children that aren't biologically his, he's either a narcissist who can't picture himself loving anything unless it's an extension of himself, or he's only interested in kids if he has direct "ownership" over them (and by extension their mom)
As a childcare worker with no children herself, you can always tell when someone has a dehumanized view of kids based on whether or not they act like raising one that doesn't have their DNA is some torturous indignity on par with being a human rights violation.
I've also always found it strange that men be waxing poetic 24-7 about how 'important and vital' fathers are and how 'every kid needs one' (this rhetoric is a form of womb envy btw. Not to mention homophobic when you consider lesbian parents), but if they truly believed this, surely they would eagerly jump on any chance to fill that role regardless of whether it's biological or not?
But no. Most men just wanna whine about how they 'shouldn't be forced to raise another man's child' and will proudly admit to preferring a bullet to the head rather than to date a single mom.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think men don't actually value fatherhood at all, nor do they give two hoots about being a healthy role model for a child. Almost like they primarily view children as competition for women's time, attention, and love and have no interest in having any in their life unless their existence affords them a certain degree of legal control over the mom (which isn't really possible with Step children unless they're willing to legally adopt them)
I don't know... a man who already has children he expects me to raise would also be a dealbreaker for me, aka I wouldn't want to raise stepchildren, either. I truly feel for the children because there is always some trauma there (either the parents split or the mom died) but that kind of mess is simply not for me. Imagine not only having to deal with your in-laws but also a whole additional set of people who are the maternal bio family of your stepchildren and want a word in how you raise them.
Am I also a "narcissist who can't picture herself loving anything unless it's an extension of herself, or only interested in kids if she has direct "ownership" over them"?