.png)
Hi, so, like many brainy nerdy women I went through a phase where I thought older men were hot stuff, because they were more mature, gentlemanly, experienced, etc. and I think my ego also liked that they said I was "mature for my age" or "wise beyond my years". (Which is totally a pick-up line and it definitely doesn't mean they actually believe it.) In my twenties and thirties I dated a number of men who were well over ten years older than me. At some point, as I was dating a guy in his late forties, I discovered that older men often struggle with erectile dysfunction. It's part of aging. Which, if they could act normal about it and just get on Viagra that'd be one thing, but they really do expect you to do all the work to try and get them hard. Either that or they start abusing stimulants. Just for an erection. Not worth it! So, I took some time for myself and got some therapy and I felt I was okay enough to start dating again. I met a guy in his twenties. I'd dated younger before, and it was okay, they were very sweet and the sex was good. I felt like, younger men are less likely to have as much emotional baggage, they won't have erectile dysfunction, they're better-looking... what's not to like? Let me tell you, there is just as much wrong with dating younger men, it's just nobody talks about it. So, one thing, you will get dickmatized if you don't wait a long time to have sex. Another thing, the slang makes absolutely no sense and it will drive you batshit crazy. Another thing, you will feel self-conscious and guilty if you meet his friends because they look like children, and ~your boyfriend~ does not look like a child, but you will definitely feel out-of-place in the event you hang out with him and his friend group. There will be a huge disconnect as far as what TV shows and music you enjoy, and although you may have things in common, there will be a lot of things you won't have in common. If he's a real jerk, he'll point it out all the time just to make you feel old. You will feel like a creep just for liking him. And god forbid you have any chronic pain issues because he will NOT understand it. Another thing, these men have been raised on pornography - really hardcore BDSM pornography. With the internet being everywhere these days and porn culture being normalized, you are in a dangerous spot. I remember in my kinkmeisha days feeling some sort of pressure to engage in sexual activity or BDSM dynamics that I wasn't sure I actually wanted, because I felt like it made me more attractive to these loser men. Well, younger men tend to believe BDSM sex is just how sex is. They are also a lot physically stronger than you. So things can get dangerous real quick. No matter how smart you are or how confident you are, as a woman (unless you are a pro weight-lifter or something) you are not as physically strong as a typical man, and physical intimacy with a man puts you in a vulnerable spot.
Do not get suckered into believing that dating younger men is somehow "better", because it's not. It's just a different set of problems. Honestly, just stick to men close to your own age, it makes more sense.
The only reasom to date older men is for money, lots of it. Don't even take meals and trips alone, Take bills paid, rent paid, gifts, cash allowances etc. Otherwise leave them where they belong. They are not worth the risk of having to care for them as they age .
If you're dating younger, hit it and quit it.
My mom married younger, and he did what he was supposed to for a few years, then balded and became resentful of her. And that was WITH my bio dad paying a lot of child support and my sister and I were old enough to not need to be babysat.
Plus, guys like that usually have mommy issues, where they will either let their mom bully you and then play dumb, or they'll be so reliant on her that they'll resent you for not being her.
Older men dating younger women are predators. I went through a phase of this, too. There are a lot of reasons why they choose to date women with less life experience and none of them are good.
Just yesterday at an eye appointment where I'm getting treatments done to my eyes that last an hour... The 19 year old tech told me she prefers older men, even though the older men she's dated all cheated on her and one outsmarted her at her old job at a hospital and made everyone believe she was the cheater somehow. It got so bad she had to quit. She just went on a date with a 25 year old last week and she's not even 20 yet. She gave the same schpeel, "Men my age are terrible." But.. Men at any age are terrible if you are dating scrotes, and at least with dating around your own age, they do not have the advantage of life wisdom over you. The older guys I dated were all into BDSM.
A scrote is a scrote, no matter the age, but at least level the playing field with choosing around your age.
When I told the tech yesterday to date someone her own age and she kept insisting older men were better, I asked...
"Why do you think a 25 year old man would choose to date a 19 year old?" She said, "Because he's weird like me" (she's kind of goth-y). I said, "It's because women his own age are too smart to date him and know that something is wrong with him." Que the brain clicking.
The girl who cuts my hair is giving me the EXACT same stories, she is 25 seeing a scrote that is about 31 and she's paying for dates intermittently. She just got cheated on by a dude who was like 35. Both of these girls hopped straight back into relationships after get burned by old scrotes and still think they should date older. Nah, sis. No way. There's a reason FDS says no age gap.
Date as close to your own age as you can and vet like hell. It's the best we can do. But dating older is always an immediate disadvantage for us, and with the way men are you need all of the advantages that you can get from the start.
Older men are disgusting. At the age of 17 an older dude approached me. In my 20’s it happens too, like I’m just minding my own business and a melted candle thinks he still got it. The one dude that really creeped me out was a 60 year old man who saw me in church since I was 15 and in my 20’s he claims he wants to get to know me better. A man in his 50’s wanted me while he claims he’s a man of God..
Ofcourse the creep gets defended saying older men deserve love too but what about their targets ? Don't they deserve better than them?
Older men are like the ugly men. Disgusting, and ugly from the inside and out.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on age-gap relationships.
We all understand the dangers of women dating older men.
I think not enough women understand the dangers of dating younger men. If a woman dates a younger man, on some level, he will think of her as a mother, nurse, or fellow workhorse. At best, she can expect a 50/50 relationship with him. She will not be his dreamgirl. He will expect her to cater to him well into her old age. Few things are sadder in life than seeing old women working like slaves to support their partners, financially or otherwise.
I cannot caution women enough against dating significantly younger men.