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Hi all, first time posting but I've been familiar with FDS for a while. My mother always gave me the same advice as FDS, and it's changed my life for the better and improved the quality of my relationships. I'm still on a leveling-up journey though.
I recently got back into the dating scene. It's been years since I'm single, and I want to make sure I don't undervalue myself. I met this guy online and went on two dates so far. Both dates were an activity followed by a meal and dessert. Nothing fancy, but not dingy or low-effort. He paid for everything. The problem is, I don't really feel a connection with him, and I already spotted a few minor incompatibilities. He also picked all the activities, which reflected his own hobbies which is alright, but not exactly things I would do of my own accord. I've had better dates where my exes/dates picked high-end restaurants with my exact culinary taste in mind and shared activities that I was into. So, I'm not feeling this guy romantically but could see myself being friends with him. For the third date, he suggested a movie at his condo. Now I'm not a movie kind of girl when getting to know someone. You sit there for hours and do nothing. What do I do in this situation? Should I just go along with it and treat it like a normal hangout since I'm free, or am I wasting my (and his) time? What should I say to him if that's the case? Thanks for any advice!
His house or your house = sex, period. Only go to his house to sleep with him. Any time a guy invites you to his place for any reason, it is for the purpose of having sex with you, and they usually try it by the 3rd date. I didn't learn this until my mid-20s.
I don't tolerate this anymore. If they so much as ask or suggest it, I think it's offensive and I dump them. It's so off-putting. 1 - I control when I'm ready to sleep with a man, not him, and I will subtly let him know. It's not appropriate for him to even suggest. 2 - if he wants sex, he can goddamn well give me jewelry, flowers, or take me to a NICE restaurant and bring flowers, or something romantic. 3 - It's such a weak fake move, pretending to want to watch a movie with you. Is he 5 years old? Is he "shy"? No he's just a liar. This kind of fake move is the opposite of sexy.
The only reason to go to his house or your house is sex.
What you should do: Just say "No thank you." If he asks why, say you'd prefer to go out somewhere. Then watch as he gets resentful that you found out his lie, and then tries to make you plan the date, and gets angry and shitty with you. This is 100% exactly what he will do.
He's going through the motions.
it's not a coincidence that the activities are stuff he likes. You're interchangeable to him. He takes every woman on these exact dates.
Do NOT go to his house. It's the pathetic 3rd date attempt to get in your pants after some weak effort. You're smarter than that. Don't go. Don't waste your time or put yourself in an uncomfortable position. He's a stranger.
"I'm not feeling this guy romantically but could see myself being friends with him."
This guy does not want to be your friend, don't suggest it. You already identified you're not super compatible, so there's nothing for you to gain. He's not your friend. Don't keep him around.
Listen to your mom girl.
He wants you at his place because he thinks you would let him hit. Plus if you already see some yellow flags you should dump him, eventually save him on your phone as free dinner. Also, refer to FDS manual about FrIenDsHiP with men (tldr it's impossible be friends with men)
Lots of men expect sex on the 3rd date.
If you go to his home , you can guess what he’ll expect.
I don’t find it safe , because if you say no, you don’t know how he will react.
Personally I’d block and delete.
A movie date isn’t a bad idea if you like going to them. But you need to go to a movie theatre not a movie night at his place.
Movie nights at his place are for when you’re bf and gf.
Thanks for your responses ladies, your advice never fails. An update on what happened: I suggested another potential activity and wheww, his true colors came out. I asked him how he felt about joining me in meeting my friends because I had plans to see them anyway. We even planned something else to do by ourselves before then. But he became resentful and insecure and accused me of confusing him by "inviting him out" and then not being available. I'm like ???? I'm only 2 dates in, thought I met at least a normal dude, and then this happens hahaha. Well, blocked and deleted.
I dont like movie dates if for nothing else because you cant really talk
This is bringing back so many cringe memories from last year! 😂 💀
Scroll to my previous post (if I have not deleted it from shame) from last year . I made like three posts about him…that’s how delusional I was !🤣
The gist of it was that, this guy I met wanted to give me a ” house tour” of his recently bought condo. Hahaha I was like so confused as to why he’d offer that after the first date. I didn’t go because his ass was sus af. My parents warned me about him, but stupid me didn’t think that was the case. I made this post and FDS and my parents were spot on. The whole ordeal lasted for about a week where we went on three dates. On the very last date, he brought me to this sketchy burrito place that gave me stomach issues the whole night. On the same night, I found out he had a gf who was out of the country. It didn’t take me long to realize that he was tryna hit while his gf was away.
The only thing I regret was going on the other two dates and having diarrhea the whole night.
So what did you end up deciding to do?
If it's an activiity date he should check in first that it's one you would enjoy, just as if its a restaurant first date he should check in to see if you like that kind of food and so on. Also, you have a voice which you have not been using: if you didn't particularly like those activiities why didn't you speak up before the date? A dangerous pattern of him deciding for you and you keeping quiet is evolving here and it's not healthy. He sounds unthoughtful and controlling. If you don't feel romantically connected to him then you should tell him that. As for hanging out at men's houses on the third date, this is not HVM behaviour. A HVM will say this: "Would you like to go to the cinema and for dinner afterwards on Saturday evening?" Dump this chump.