Hey people. I’m new to this forum. I’m 36 and have only had 1 boyfriend who was cheating piece of shit.
I have struggled with dating and the guys i “think” i like always end up rejecting me. Its like it gets to the 3 month mark and they go cold. I always have to communicate and then they end it. All this makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. I do struggle with self esteem and low self worth as i was brought up in care always getting moved to different childrens homes. I do get therapy so i am actively working on this.
The latest guy to treat me badly was a guy i met on a dating website. He put that he was 44 (however he later told me the truth that he was 49!). He lived in the uk but was working in france as a bodyguard on a yacht for millionaires for 4 months. He has businesses in the uk (gym, property) but wanted to do the bodyguard work for “excitement and to get to travel” he said. He was in the navy for 10 years and left when he was 27. He was married for 2 years 7yrs ago. Has been single for 3 years and has no kids.
So we facetimed every night for like 4 hrs for 2 months. He told me he hadnt had such a strong connection in yrs/ was really into me etc. i never wore makeup on these facetimes. I did feel a connection too and i thought that by facetiming that was enough to see if their was an attraction from both sides especially as i was bare with no makeup. He kept saying he would make me a priority, making future plans with me and didnt want to mess things up with me.
He then spoke about us meeting. In the yacht industry they are working like 24/7 with hardly any time off. Always at the millionaires beck and call. He kept asking me to come over to france to meet him. I declined a lot. Then eventually i agreed. I went over and paid for my flights.
We went halves on the hotel. We spent 5 days together. The first 3 days was the same energy as when we facetimed. However, i did notice that he didnt really make any effort everything he promised to do never happened. It was clear he wasnt a man of his word. For example he didnt book us a table for meals out etc, we had to walk and find somewhere open. We went to the same restaurants all the time. He made me walk from my hotel to the yacht at night when it was dark. I didnt like this as i was a woman in a different country i felt he should have cared about my safety more. We paid for halves. He asked me to buy him a toothbrush when he was working and i bought him an electric one, he didnt even say thankyou
On the 4th day he went really cold. He wouldnt speak to me. He went from wanting to hold my hand to not wanting to be anywhere near me. He even walked miles infront of me when we went anywhere. He started demeaning me saying i had “big thighs”. He said that i use too many filters on my instagram which he hates. Eventhough i dont use filters. He even told me to stop talking at one point. He started using his phone a lot too. I left it for a few hours then communicated with him asking what was wrong. He apologised and said he wasnt used to being in a relationship and has always liked his own space. He asked me to be patient with him. After that he was ok again. He asked me to move to newzealand with him for 6 months. Asked me to be exclusive. When he dropped me off at the train station he sent me a text message saying “i had a beautiful soul and he was excited”
The 3rd day after i got back to the uk he went cold and distant. He barely messaged. I never messaged him first the entire time we dated. When i did message back he would leave me on read for 30hrs. This happened a couple of times. So i communicated with him again and said to him that i felt he had lost interest and we could leave things. He replied back with- that he wanted to continue dating as he has strong feeling for me.
He kept leaving me on read and getting back to me a day later eventhough he was constantly online on whatsapp. Then he posted a story on his instagram business account saying “come follow my new personal account”. When i looked at his new personal account he had had it for 10days and not told/added me. He was following a few girls and had liked/written flirty comments on these girls photos. The same days he has left me on read. And suprise these girls everyone of their photos had filters on- eventhough he accused me of using them saying he hated filters. I was really hurt by this!
I communicated again saying he was messing me around and i was above that nonsense. He said he wasnt feeling it when we met up physically, he found me attractive but something was missing, its not you its me. He said he wanted to talk through the next day. He never contacted me again after that its now been a month. I then saw he went to lake como for 3 days, one of the instagram girls he was liking was also in lake como at the same time. Is that a coincidence or did he take her there? The girls info matches up with the description of his ex wife from 7 years ago- or is that a coincidence as well?
Obvs i am hurt. I just feel that there must be something wrong with me physcially and personality wise. As how can someone be so into me then so off me. I would never go there with him again but a lot of questions are running through my head if any of you can help. They are:
What was the reason for him losing interest? Did he not find me physcially attractive? Was it my personality? Or was there someone else for him?
What do i do wrong as this keeps happening to me? As i dont want to make the same mistakes with the next guy.
Am i doing anything to repulse these men? What mistakes am i making?
Am i displaying a lot of low value female characteristics and how do i change?
Have i lost out on a decent guy or was he a bad egg?