You might find yourself wondering how this person knows that you are so wonderful when you've only gone on one or two dates or had limited contact and conversation.
It will feel like you're meant to be, you're soulmates, everything about you two is the same and you fit together.
He will show interest in all your interests and agree with all your opinions.
He will compliment you a lot, contact you a lot, might write you long emotionally intense messages.
He will take you out and bring you flowers and almost overwhelm you with attention.
You would probably feel very overwhelmed in a good way, and very excited and amazed that you found someone who is so wonderful and fits you so well. And yet you don't know this person almost at all.
Healthy people take time to get to know someone and the level of complements, interaction and attention should reflect that.
Does that make sense? You can ask me more questions if you want more info!
Usually that phase doesn't last very long. It lasts until they think they got you hooked.
I think the most I've seen it last , typically, is a maximum of 6 months. It could last longer.
A lot of these dudes can only keep it up for about a month. Underneath the facade they are awful, controlling abusers, so the red flags will start to poke through, usually early. People who have experienced love bombing before will notice the red flags right away. If you haven't you'll just be getting these feelings that things aren't quite right and or maybe moving too quickly and are too intense. But at the same time you will be drawn in by the intensity of the love and affection and complements. It will be very confusing. You will often start oscillating back and forth with your feelings because things don't add up.
I've seen guys attempt to love bomb a woman but only make it a few days or weeks.
In my experience, if you call them out on the overbearing romance ASAP, the HVM will try to understand your perspective and pacify you; whereas the LVM will pretend NOT to understand you, imply you are damaged/sensitive/crazy for thinking this way, or act hurt over the “accusations”.
Yup! When I pushed back, his excuse was that clearly I was closed off to love and couldn't accept it. I was like - but it's been THREE weeks. Unfortunately, I learned later that IRL I do some public interviews/podcasts surrounding my job and he later claimed he 'fell in love' with me from watching me. CREEPY. So going forward I think I need to share a lot less about my life. It's hard because I'm proud of my job and what I do and don't want to have to hide my light under a bushel.
I suggested to a man that he slow his role. I do not explain myself in depth anymore (it becomes ammo to make you cray cray). Rather I said a boundary by saying this makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want your gifts or your attention at this point of a new acquaintance. These guys literally go way too far too fast. Don’t turn red flags to white!
I would say if the compliments don't match what he knows about you or he can't elaborate why he thinks something. Like if he says you are so smart but you only have an associates degree and a regular job.
I only have an associate’s. My partner thinks I’m smart because he listens to me think critically out loud, and he’s interested in how I make inferences to topics of discussion that interest me. Also, I know some real degree-holding idiot LVMs…lol
I went through this love bombing thing in the beginning of 2020. Even though the flags were flying, I have to admit it was intoxicating. But I think this has to be a 'go with your gut' kind of situation. Even though I was the best thing ever - after four or six weeks, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach every time I saw him.Unfortunately I have zero idea how this works in a healthy relationship. In every other relationship I've had, the man has never complimented me. I pursued them. Chased them. And felt like I was no more than a piece of furniture on their lives.I've spent a lot of time trying to discover what that middle ground might be like.
To answer the second part of your question, what does it look like when the love bombing starts to end or ends?The guy will start tearing you down instead of building you up. You might get a compliment one minute and be amazing and then the next minute you're stupid, you're worthless, you're gaining weight or you're not attractive in that dress.He might start making comments that show that he's resentful about the very behaviors that were part of his love bombing. He might tell you he can't always compliment you or it's not always going to be a bed of roses, or he can't take you out all the time/he's taking you out too much. The things that made you feel attracted to him will start to be broken down by him or start to fade out. He will give you less of his time, suddenly he needs to work all the time or he needs to be with his friends multiple times a week but can't see you. At this point if you start to pull back out of confusion or growing dislike of him, he will pull you back in by briefly renewing his love bombing behaviors. He might have some tragedy or great disappointment that requires your sympathy, help and support. And bam, the "love" is back and it feels so good you go back to him.A healthy relationship should never feel like this. You should not be feeling up and down, back and forth, yanked around, confused, excited, put off, pulled back in all in quick succession.
Unknown member
May 28, 2021
I think an aspect of this that is underrated is our ability to use intuition and attune to the guy’s nonverbal communications to become a human lie detector. It is a real skill, and as much as I really do want to abolish the police, people who become high level detectives tend to be some of the most skilled at this. But it is a capacity that exists in all of us and just needs to be practiced to be improved. Get him to sustain eye contact with you and repeat a love bomb comment. Be as mindful and present as you can be while you listen and try to see through him. And then try not to think or judge, but instead, just introspect on your gut emotional reaction to the data your brain is gathering. Not only will this help you be better at identifying narcissists, but it will also enhance your relationship with truth in general. And I think we live in a time when figuring out what is true in this world is more than anything else a matter of feeling out who you can trust to tell you the truth. I recommend watching Democracy Now with Amy Goodman. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as much trust listening to any other person speak their truth. She would be a good baseline for feeling how your emotions respond when you’re listening to honesty.
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Love bombing feels very intense and overwhelming.
You might find yourself wondering how this person knows that you are so wonderful when you've only gone on one or two dates or had limited contact and conversation.
It will feel like you're meant to be, you're soulmates, everything about you two is the same and you fit together.
He will show interest in all your interests and agree with all your opinions.
He will compliment you a lot, contact you a lot, might write you long emotionally intense messages.
He will take you out and bring you flowers and almost overwhelm you with attention.
You would probably feel very overwhelmed in a good way, and very excited and amazed that you found someone who is so wonderful and fits you so well. And yet you don't know this person almost at all.
Healthy people take time to get to know someone and the level of complements, interaction and attention should reflect that.
Does that make sense? You can ask me more questions if you want more info!
Usually that phase doesn't last very long. It lasts until they think they got you hooked.
I think the most I've seen it last , typically, is a maximum of 6 months. It could last longer.
A lot of these dudes can only keep it up for about a month. Underneath the facade they are awful, controlling abusers, so the red flags will start to poke through, usually early. People who have experienced love bombing before will notice the red flags right away. If you haven't you'll just be getting these feelings that things aren't quite right and or maybe moving too quickly and are too intense. But at the same time you will be drawn in by the intensity of the love and affection and complements. It will be very confusing. You will often start oscillating back and forth with your feelings because things don't add up.
I've seen guys attempt to love bomb a woman but only make it a few days or weeks.
Other comments are great, just to add
- They don't know you well enough to say those things - it's likely fake and lovebombing
- Compliments make you go "thanks" and lovebombing make you go "awwwww". BE very careful of that AWWWW. He will manipulate you like this
- If it sounds generic and again, they don't know you well enough, its lovebombing
In my experience, if you call them out on the overbearing romance ASAP, the HVM will try to understand your perspective and pacify you; whereas the LVM will pretend NOT to understand you, imply you are damaged/sensitive/crazy for thinking this way, or act hurt over the “accusations”.
I suggested to a man that he slow his role. I do not explain myself in depth anymore (it becomes ammo to make you cray cray). Rather I said a boundary by saying this makes me uncomfortable and I don’t want your gifts or your attention at this point of a new acquaintance. These guys literally go way too far too fast. Don’t turn red flags to white!
I would say if the compliments don't match what he knows about you or he can't elaborate why he thinks something. Like if he says you are so smart but you only have an associates degree and a regular job.
I went through this love bombing thing in the beginning of 2020. Even though the flags were flying, I have to admit it was intoxicating. But I think this has to be a 'go with your gut' kind of situation. Even though I was the best thing ever - after four or six weeks, I couldn't shake the feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach every time I saw him. Unfortunately I have zero idea how this works in a healthy relationship. In every other relationship I've had, the man has never complimented me. I pursued them. Chased them. And felt like I was no more than a piece of furniture on their lives. I've spent a lot of time trying to discover what that middle ground might be like.
How long until love bombing ends and what does that look like?
I think an aspect of this that is underrated is our ability to use intuition and attune to the guy’s nonverbal communications to become a human lie detector. It is a real skill, and as much as I really do want to abolish the police, people who become high level detectives tend to be some of the most skilled at this. But it is a capacity that exists in all of us and just needs to be practiced to be improved. Get him to sustain eye contact with you and repeat a love bomb comment. Be as mindful and present as you can be while you listen and try to see through him. And then try not to think or judge, but instead, just introspect on your gut emotional reaction to the data your brain is gathering. Not only will this help you be better at identifying narcissists, but it will also enhance your relationship with truth in general. And I think we live in a time when figuring out what is true in this world is more than anything else a matter of feeling out who you can trust to tell you the truth. I recommend watching Democracy Now with Amy Goodman. I don’t think I’ve ever felt as much trust listening to any other person speak their truth. She would be a good baseline for feeling how your emotions respond when you’re listening to honesty.
Are they all extremely damaging narcissistic cowards?