Like how much of the rent or mortgage and bills would you expect/want him to cover on his own? What is reasonable to you? Sometimes I wonder if I'm being too hopeful about a man who isn't going to ask for financial help at all and takes pleasure in providing. My mom used to tell me to marry a generous husband who shares his finances with me in a marriage, but also understands the money I make is mine. Is that too far fetched? I guess I'm unsure since a lot of society now says we are just supposed to share finances and split 50/50? But I remember FDS teaching me there is no real 50/50 and I guess I want a refresher? I'm sorry if I'm not articulating myself well.
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50/50 is more than just financial. We keep forgetting this. If you go 50/50 in finances, then the man has to go 50/50 on childcare and housekeeping. But men rarely do right? So it ends up being 50% for the man and 150% for the woman. If the man expects you to be half the provider then he needs to do half the woman's work. If he expects the woman to do 100% of the home and child care then he needs to be 100% provider.
I think the men that we are dating should want to make us feel happy and comfortable.
For me personally, that would look like a man paying for all dating expenses during the time we are bf/gf and engaged.
After marriage, I would want our incomes pooled together in a joint account. However, I would want 3 months of salary (plus additional salary if children are involved) set aside in a separate bank account that only I have access to. If he ever mistreats me, that will be my escape hatch.
"Is that too far fetched?"
always remember the golden rule: no standard is too high. never allow for anyone to standard shame you.
as someone who grew up with a financial scarcity mindset, i expect the man to cover ALL big purchases/financial responsibilities and any dates we go out on.
To me, an ideal split in marriage would be like 60/40 or 70/30 (with him paying more). I'm never having kids and plan to always work so I don't need or want a man who's going cover all my bills. For me, it's a psychological thing, being able to pay for my own stuff helps me feel independent and in control of my life. But of course, a generous man is a necessity. Day to day, I wouldn't mind splitting expenses (provided that we are also splitting household chores, I will never be the type to do the majority of the housework and emotional labor) but I would prefer that over all, he pays more. For example, we may split the cost on a wedding, but he pays for the honeymoon. Or if we go on vacation, he would pay for flights and lodging and I might pay for a few dinners.
I think there’s a difference between a marriage i.e. true legal, social, and financial partnership, and being vigilantly against 50-50 before it. I do expect some level of resource pooling in that scenario (which by the way makes married people richer than single people, a fact brought to my attention on the daily in this economy!).
To be honest, if a man is not 100% a provider, it creates a mental block for me and I am no longer sexually attracted to him, so what would be the point.
In traditional marriage (of working class people) wife controls finances and spending, husband gives all earnings to wife.