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I know that sometimes we learn things later in life than others do but I'm not OK with this.
I learned a little too late in life that this is the norm for people, to be dating others when they're dating you, until you as a couple are exclusive.
I realize that I do not abide by this philosophy and would probably be looked down upon for it, but here is why this offends me.
If I were to accept to go on a first date with a man, I am most likely already attached to him, mentally, by that point. The jealousy would already have begun in me. And no, anyone who says that I need to deal with my insecurity needs to fuck off. I have a right to feel insecure if someone is going on dates with other people at the same time as they are with me.
I don't think I'm meant for the dating world. I think arranged marriages are too extreme on the other end, but dating doesn't work for me either, if poly-dating is the norm before exclusivity. I guess I'm someone who believes in trying out one person at a time.
A guy who dates multiple women is most likely a PUA. He either wants to have sex with multiple women or sees some as "backup options" when his favourite one leaves him.
You’re not wrong at all. Just because this has been the norm for a long time doesn’t make it right. Like you, I’ve never agreed to this but men have been dating multiple women at once for a while and in order to avoid constantly being played, women followed suit.
It’s very clear that a man who dates multiple women at once isn’t serious about any of them. He doesn’t respect any of them because if he did, he’d invest his time in one woman, see if it works out and only move on if it didn’t. This is how the average woman dated and wants to date. But because men want to “sample” as many women as possible at once since the average man’s dream is to sleep with many women and for some, they want to sleep with many women at once, this is what brought this multidating thing about.
Yeah, people may consider you odd for not going along with it but remember that the majority isn’t always right. Just because this has become the norm doesn’t make it right. I always say this: you should be a man’s one and only, not one of many. A lot of women take it as a compliment when a man says he dropped the women he was talking to, to just focus on her. I don’t take it seriously because he’s already shown himself to be a greedy, misogynistic player who wants to experience multiple women at once. Let’s be real, this type of guy is not remembering any or everything these women tell him. He’s not telling them that he’s dating them all at once because he knows that it’ll get him dumped because each woman wants to feel special to him and be the only one he’s with. These are the men who call every woman by a pet name because he can’t remember most of their names.
Just remember as we always say on here, having standards will shrink your dating pool drastically. The truth of the matter is: you may never find a HV man because they’re so rare and hard to find but having your boundaries, self-respect and knowing how men operate will do you a world of good. You can never lose when you keep these in your arsenal. I’m very much like you and don’t regret it. I’m not crying over some player who was dating me and five other women at a go.
Good luck to you sis! ❤️❤️❤️
Men don't pursue other women when there is one they actually want. When they genuinely like you, they get rid of their roster and I believe they know pretty immediately when they want to create a life with a woman. So, essentially, even if he is dating others at the time you two go on your first date, he will drop them immediately if he wants to pursue you. Since you've talked a few times already, he will know right away if you are the one he wants and all other women should and will drop off because he will make sure that they do so he doesn't ruin his chances with you. Meanwhile, for women, it is not the same. He is pursuing you, but you are vetting and trying to decide if this is the one you want to commit to. It is a longer process for women to choose a man. Men are idiots and fall in love quickly, which is great if he is a HVM who wants you. For us, we choose and we take our time. If I get whiffs of other women in his life still after talking with me a few times, I know I have only become an option to him. Trust me, they have no problem keeping you around as a backburner choice, at best. These types of guys will also gladly triangulate you to death with other women, but only because you are allowing yourself to continue to be that option that he isn't prioritizing.
Women and men are not the same and neither is the way we date. There is no such thing as "equality" between men and women and definitely no equality in how we each navigate dating. Women tend to fall in love too quickly and get exclusive immediately when WE SHOULDN'T, which is why FDS preaches to keep your roster open until a few months in when you two commit (meaning he asks you to commit to him and you have vetted enough to agree). This is actually how people used to date. Women chose, men pursued and competed. We know men can wear a mask for a long time, so we take our time. Take it slow take and take it easy with him, and vet vet vet. Meanwhile he needs to show us he is serious, which means he won't keep chasing other women, obviously. Any HVM knows a good woman will run from that. These games with the endless roster that OLD provides just lets players play... HVM aren't dating like that and they know better.
Unless he is your partner or in courtship with him, you are in no position to be upset. Sorry, dating doesn't mean you are together. Dating means you're still single unless both give vocal consent that you are together.
Imagine a man being upset with you for dating other men too, you wouldn't like it if he already claimed you outside of a relationship so don't do it to others.