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I know that sometimes we learn things later in life than others do but I'm not OK with this.
I learned a little too late in life that this is the norm for people, to be dating others when they're dating you, until you as a couple are exclusive.
I realize that I do not abide by this philosophy and would probably be looked down upon for it, but here is why this offends me.
If I were to accept to go on a first date with a man, I am most likely already attached to him, mentally, by that point. The jealousy would already have begun in me. And no, anyone who says that I need to deal with my insecurity needs to fuck off. I have a right to feel insecure if someone is going on dates with other people at the same time as they are with me.
I don't think I'm meant for the dating world. I think arranged marriages are too extreme on the other end, but dating doesn't work for me either, if poly-dating is the norm before exclusivity. I guess I'm someone who believes in trying out one person at a time.
Men don't pursue other women when there is one they actually want. When they genuinely like you, they get rid of their roster and I believe they know pretty immediately when they want to create a life with a woman. So, essentially, even if he is dating others at the time you two go on your first date, he will drop them immediately if he wants to pursue you. Since you've talked a few times already, he will know right away if you are the one he wants and all other women should and will drop off because he will make sure that they do so he doesn't ruin his chances with you. Meanwhile, for women, it is not the same. He is pursuing you, but you are vetting and trying to decide if this is the one you want to commit to. It is a longer process for women to choose a man. Men are idiots and fall in love quickly, which is great if he is a HVM who wants you. For us, we choose and we take our time. If I get whiffs of other women in his life still after talking with me a few times, I know I have only become an option to him. Trust me, they have no problem keeping you around as a backburner choice, at best. These types of guys will also gladly triangulate you to death with other women, but only because you are allowing yourself to continue to be that option that he isn't prioritizing.
Women and men are not the same and neither is the way we date. There is no such thing as "equality" between men and women and definitely no equality in how we each navigate dating. Women tend to fall in love too quickly and get exclusive immediately when WE SHOULDN'T, which is why FDS preaches to keep your roster open until a few months in when you two commit (meaning he asks you to commit to him and you have vetted enough to agree). This is actually how people used to date. Women chose, men pursued and competed. We know men can wear a mask for a long time, so we take our time. Take it slow take and take it easy with him, and vet vet vet. Meanwhile he needs to show us he is serious, which means he won't keep chasing other women, obviously. Any HVM knows a good woman will run from that. These games with the endless roster that OLD provides just lets players play... HVM aren't dating like that and they know better.