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Good afternoon ladies. I need advice about my current relationship. Last night I was watching Fatal Vows on Amazon prime with my partner. There was an episode where a man shot his wife 4 times for cheating on him. I made a joke telling my partner to not take any notes. I regret saying that and tend to say awkward/weird things when I’m stressed out. Anyways he took it very seriously and was defensive about what I said as a joke. He got so angry and refused to sleep in the same bed while saying he wants to break up with me over this. Then I said it’s a red flag for the way he reacted because he could have reassured me that he’s not that type of violent man.
I just want to know if this is a red flag because I’m feeling a bit crazy and overthinking this situation.
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Whatever happened to "block and delete if he makes you feel confused?"
I thought that was an FDS fundamental?
It's a bit strange how he got so triggered. People often get triggered when you joke about something they secretly have traits of.
Did you notice any other red flags?
What??! Is the deal with this guy? Okay, sounds like we have a "Not all Men" boy here (and he IS one of those men). The only time people are this offended by something is if it hits too close to home. Sis, his response is honestly alarming for you. It is a punishful act for you making a joke, as well... Dump him and then please let us know how many tears he shed. Like a general guesstimate. Extra points if we can get some audio of him weeping.
It definitely is a red flag for one of two reasons:
1) He got defensive because he felt you were accusing him of something he'd never do. This is guy who clearly can't take a joke because if he knows it's something he'd never do and knew you well enough to know that you were joking then he wouldn't get upset. He has the typical frail male ego and it's on full display.
2) The more serious one: He got that defensive because it's something he can do and he felt called out when you said that. If he wasn't capable of doing that then why would he get upset? It's like men who defend men that have been accused and proven to be guilty of rape, molestation and murder. If a man defends such men then he's telling on himself. He's either committed such crimes in the past, is currently committing them or is thinking of committing them. A truly decent man will be revolted by evil and would denounce it every time.
He sounds too emotional and over sensitive to be in a decent relationship. Next.
I despise virtue signalers who loudly condemn criminal acts if it’s not their literal job to do so. Yes, as a bare minimum, an HVM wouldn’t approve of criminality, but I don’t care if he speaks against it or not.
That said, yes, his reaction is a red flag. Generating this level of drama over a joking comment made while doing something fun is a sign that he’s too emotional/sensitive for an HV relationship.
Unless this really is a one-off (which I doubt), just leave him. He sounds like a loser.