Why do some men keep mentioning their ex when trying to get to know you?
For example the last person I talked to wouldn't shut up about her. In every text message he would text something about her.
"My ex cheated on me", "my ex hated video games", "my ex hated the music I listened to", "my ex ditched me", "my ex didn't want to help me with my business", "my ex didn't want to help with the renovations", "my ex was a girly girl" and so on.
But when I confronted him and asked him why he's on the dating apps if he's clearly not over her, he said that he is over her but that she's been a part of his life for so long and he just wanted to share his experiences.
That was the same guy from the last post who told me that he co-owns a property with her.
Apart from the other questionable and sketchy stuff, him going on and on about his ex was really starting to annoy me, so that's also a reason why I ended up blocking him.
Also he got really rude when I brought it up, not apologizing for it and telling me he won't mention her again but instead he wished me a nice life.
Why do they use women as a rebound or a therapist?
To be honest, it doesn't surprise me that she ditched him because they've been together for 9 years and why wouldn't he put a ring on her finger. Why didn't he just break up with her when they didn't have much in common? He wasted years of her life.
Unfortunately, some women feel flattered when scrotes treat them like a therapist. Like, in the "He's willing to be vulnerable with me, he must trust me so much 💖" kind of way. So, the tactic could work.
Good for you for seeing it for what it is!
Look up triangulating with the ex- Narcissistic abuse. It'll tell u every about this POS. It's abuse when a man compares you to other women.
In my experience, it's usually because he isn't over them (no matter how much he says he is), and/or he is also trying to triangulate you and see your reactions. Are you cool and chill when he mentions another woman, or do you act dramatic and jealous? Do you join in on talking shit about her, or help play therapist to him and suggest doing different things together or talk about what you offer in an effort to get him to get over her? I've never had a guy bring up his ex like that where he wasn't just basically trying to get attention from you in some way. It's one thing when he brings up another woman or his ex within context that makes sense, but if he brings someone up in a way that just makes you go "Why is he telling me about this person?" or "Why is he talking about that?", and if he does it early on, it's probably triangulation and you should run.
If a man so much as mentions his ex - unprompted - in the first 3 months, it’s block o’clock.
Its a subtle tactic to subconsciously police your behavior so you’ll go the extra mile to impress him and to prove “you’re different and not like those other women.”
They might also be testing to see how easily he can turn you against other people. Those scenarios he mentioned might not even exist or were greatly exaggerated. He wants to see if he can isolate you at a later period for future abuse.
9/10 when a man claims he was “abused” by his ex it was the other way around.
Every single time i have dumped a guy like this i don't feel bad for walking away. I don't understand how these men ever get married or dates (sigh pickmes..) when they behave like that. I just feel like that's a bare minimum for treating me right is not to talk about exes.
Because they are not dumb and know that if you ask why he didn’t put a ring on it they need to justify it in the way that does not make them loook bad. They always have explanations like: things changed(yeah, after 9 years?), she wasn’t the same, different expectations (??), lost felings and other bs.
Most likely she started expecting more and he bailed.
It's a red flag boo.
Because men use every woman in their lives as their therapist. It could be that he's not over his ex, or it could be that he feels like he's been "wronged"by his ex because his ex left him. In his mind, women are not allowed to leave him, he's supposed to have all the control.
Like Mol17 mentioned, triangulation is abuse. cheating is abuse. period.