Hi,
I took a break from online dating and decided to try it out again. The men in my area and generally men from my country are just not really for me so I decided to see if I could find people who I click with and I've been texting this guy who seems very ambitious and well-read. He lives overseas. It's the first time in a long time where I'm talking to someone who goes beyond smalltalk and we really get along! So everything seemed pretty good at the beginning. He asks me questions, texts daily and puts in a lot of effort.
The fact that he lives overseas isn't much of a problem for me BUT he told me he used to be together with his ex for almost 9 years and they broke up cause apparently she cheated on him.
He seems financially well off but he owns a property with his ex and she lives in his apartment, While he lives with his dad that he's looking after in another house.
I thought they broke up and that's it but she's still in the picture.
So that already made me feel so disappointed to be honest.
I've never traveled outside of Europe but traveling overseas to visit him (hypothetically) would cost quite a bit. He said IF I visited him, he would cover all the costs (the stay, not the flight) but he would also be happy to go 50/50. And he earns more than me, he owns property and talked how much savings he has which is a lot more than I have.
I wore the rose-colored classes and yes I'm quite naïve because I'm inexperienced, but I asked myself, shouldn't a man visit the woman first? I understand that everything has gotten expensive but I don't think it's fair that he already would like to go 50/50, he said he handles all of his relationships like this, but this entire situation doesn't sit right with me.
I just had to get this off my chest and would like to hear your opinions. I really don't mind long-distance but this already is starting off so weird.
He said he wants to start a business soon and would love if his partner would help him with it. But what about my goals, dreams and aspirations? i'm happy with working in corporate since it makes me feel secure.
How would you describe this type of man? Is he opportunistic or something or is he sensing I'm naïve and inexperienced? I have no problems covering some costs, for example if he visited me first and we got along and then it would be my turn travel, I wouldn't mind paying for my flight and contribute to costs like gas money if we went on trips. But if I had to pay more more stuff? I don't know...
Another thing that didn't sit right with me is the way he talks about other women. He said about his ex that she was a girly girl and she didn't like the music he was listening to and the fact he likes to play video games. I love gaming and we listen to the same music. I said that it's completely fine that she has her own hobbies and interests. I don't like talking down on other women.
He then mentioned his brother whose ex was materialistic and I said there's nothing wrong with enjoying the finer things in life.
Everything started off so great but now I don't want to talk to him anymore. I was crying when he read his ex is still in the picture, because I felt like whenever I like someone, there is always someone else around and I'm wondering if dating and love is even for me. Maybe I am meant to be alone, I really don't know why I keep attracting people like this.
I really wouldn't mind a long-distance relationship and moving abroad in the future, I'm not broke so I could travel but isn't the man supposed to provide? Or at least he could visit me first and book himself a room.
What are your thoughts?
"he told me he used to be together with his ex for almost 9 years and they broke up cause apparently she cheated on him"
Ding ding ding! 🛎️ We have another forever stringer.
This scrote openly admitted that he wasted almost a decade of a woman's life when he probably knew full on, within the first year (if not the first 6 months), that he did not want to marry her.
On that basis alone, you need to block, delete, and move on. I won't even bother to address the other dealbreakers.
P.S. I’ll bet $100 he’s still fucking her.
He talked too much about other women. It's never a good sign. Men like this are basically saying, "Here are some b*tches I know, you're not like that, are you??"
And you said you don't want to talk to him anymore. You don't have to do what you don't want to.
I can't talk about if LDR could work. But for starters, if he's really interested in you, he'd be the one to travel to your country. There's too much risk for a woman to go visit a strange country to meet a man she has never met before irl.
He's a scammer. He's planting the seeds of wanting to start a business with you. Thats a common scam. Once he feels that's he's completely earned your trust, the next step is that he's going to ask for money to invest in his business. All the while he'll be making excuses for why he cant visit you. There will be sob stories about his sick dad and his bitch ex to play on your sympathy and get more money out of you.
He's probably a career scammer in Nigeria, pulling romance scams on you and dozens of other women around the world.
Have you spoke to him? What's his voice sound like? Nigerian?
No
So many red flags here. Also, he's well off, has properties but takes care of his dad? Why isnt a professional looking after his dad? Maybe I'm too sceptical, but to me it sounds like he's very much still together with his "ex". Also the fact that he expects you to come to him first and not even offering to pay for everything (flight, food, transport while there and accommodation) is a huge red flag. How well off is he really? He sounds like lots of talk but nothing to back it... I'd stop talking to him and obviously b&d.
I don't know how you met or what other context you have for this guy, but, tbh, please be careful meeting people who claim to live overseas on dating apps. There's lots of scams going on these days and with AI, the scams are just getting better and better. My first thought reading this was literally just 'please be careful that this isn't a literal scammer'. Aside from that, there's already plenty of red flags here that other users pointed out that I agree with. He's triangulating you with other women, and that's a bad sign. Every single time I've been on the receiving end of a man talking about another woman like that, nothing good has ever come out of it and typically I (or you, in this case) end up just being some free entertainment until he is able to catch the attention of the girl he's actually vying for. Complaining about other women to you, trying to get you to join in, etc. he literally just wants validation from you and that's it.
It's a red flag in itself that he's from another country, tf??
Like put your ego aside for a minute, because I am sure you are a lovely gorgeous woman but have you asked yourself WHY out of the thousands if not millions of women in his direct vicinity that he can meet - if he is the slightest bit attractive, successful, social or normal- would he want to fly over a random person he's never met before or knows hardly anything about except superficial information I hope? Conveniently at your own dime to get there...
And then what, possibly carry out a long distance relationship after meeting once? In which you are apart 99% of the time and have no idea what they are really doing or how they truly live assuming its not a trafficking setup or scam in the first place? And all of this was suggested before even a phone call?
Like no offence but this is wildly delusional.
Never travel to see any man. He needs to put the effort into flying to you. Maybe after he's flown to you several times, then maybe you can fly to him, if he pays. But you don't know this man, or his country or his cultures, or his family values etc. Once you are in his territory, he has ALL the power.
Just broke up a LDR relationship recently. I realize that i didnt follow alot of FDS rules when I dated him so now I am back here re reading. But anyways, he went to my country and didn't ask for any 50/50. We flew to an island tourist spot and he paid for my accomodation and flight. If it doesnt sit right with you, i suggest follow your gut!