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In my journey enacting FDS principles, I have no shame in admitting that every time I wavered on an FDS concept (splitting 50/50, making excuses for 🚩behavior, listening to pickmeisha friends over my instincts and FDS) I have inevitably ended up burned and wasting our most valuable resource: time. While I'm still adapting to this, I've gotten better though some uncomfortable introspection, hard work and self-discipline. That said, I have noticed that men, ESPECIALLY LVM, actually respect FDS principles, regardless of what they might say. There may be nothing as attractive and intimidating as a woman who knows her worth, maintains her dignity and keeps her cool despite whatever scrote antics are thrown her way (ie. she doesn't let them get under her skin, not that she tolerates it). To abbreviate for you some of the trials by fire I went through, I thought I'd share lessons learned.
By the 20s-30s, men damn well know the differnce between right and wrong, and they know the basics of what they need to do to keep a woman and maintain a relationship. Sure, perhaps they need to learn your tastes, but don't let pickmes convince you that it's all about CoMmUnIcAtIoN. If a 35 year old man needs to be told that lying and cheating are wrong, or it's not nice to give backhanded compliments, do you really want to be mothering a manchild?
The following are strategies I humbly recommend for early-stage vetting (1-3 months):
🚩 🚩 🚩RED FLAGS 🚩 🚩 🚩things for which there really is no benign explanation.
CHARACTER TRAITS/ ETHICS
Lying: this is far more common than you would think. This spans of the scope of lying by omission (perhaps the most dangerous, since you have no idea what they are capable of) or actual significant lies about who they are with and how they spend their time. Nobody owes you a detailed itenerary of their activities, especially early on; however, there is absolutely no reason a self-assured, confident, HVM would have to resort to lying. Keep in mind; someone who lies to avert your (usually justified) anger for something, is someone who is placing his convenience over his responsibilty to you. Even if he gets caught, apologizes, swears it won't happen again, Sis: LIARS DON'T CHANGE. At least, not for the sake of you, me or any other women. They may change if the consequences of their lying outweigh the benefits they get from them. I have seen countless women waste their youth and time on habitual or pathologic liars.
Keeping score/ tit-for-tat mentality with money/ gifts/ sex: Don't be swayed by a man paying for things; how does he pay for things? Paying for things DOES NOT automatically make him HVM. Is he enthusiastic about showing you he cares about you? Does he bemoan how expensive a restaurant/ activity/ gift is? Does he expect sex immediately as a "reward" after? I once dated a man who had no problem spending $500 on a cologne for himself, but would make damn sure I knew how much of an inconvenince it was to him that he was doing the bare minimum (mid-tier restaurants, movie tickets). Another man would pay every time we went out, but order the cheapest thing for himself and immediately try to rush things to the bedroom after. Men that you are granting your time and company to are already fortunate. DO NOT let them think they own you through expensive gifts, and do not let them guilttrip you when they do the bare minimum. If they are not grateful for your time, put them out of their misery and cut them loose.
Approach to the suffering of others: a HVM doesn't need to be a civil rights leader, but will appropriately empathize with those who are suffering. Does he not bat an eye at a pregnant woman or elderly person standing in public transport? If influential, does he enjoy exerting power over others and demeaning them? How does he treat waitstaff, receptionists valet? CAREFUL with this, as anyone can fake being nice for a while.
Approach to the women in his life: How does he treat his mother/ grandmother/ sister? His mother is his first female role model, so the relationship with her is significant. Is he completely beholden to her whims, or does he disrespect her? Being protective of his sister is one thing, but does he have a double standard when it comes to what he and she can do?
Does he take responsibility for himself?: Note, many detractors of FDS will claim that we are "gold-digging"; that is the furthest thing from the truth. Many wealthy men are positively arrogant, cruel LVM/NVM. A HVM isn't so much a billionaire as he is fiscally responsible and ambitous. A HVM will tend to be organized and driven in all aspects of his life (professionally, financially, socially). His spaces are relatively neat, he is well-groomed, eats healthy and take care of himself. Any college-age man unable to cook a basic meal, work out or plan for his future is wasting both your and his time.
Sense of humor and Taste in movies/media: what sorts of things does he find funny? A man once shared this meme; up until this point, he paid for everything, opened doors, pulled out chairs the whole 9 yards. When he got comfortable, he showed me this (see the image below) :) Someone who finds humorous the suffering of others, ESPECIALLY women, is just waiting until your guard is down/ you're vulnerable so he can show his true self. Similary, pay attention to what he invests his time in. A man who once was a huge true-crime fan repeatedly would ask me if I thought he was a serial killer, and told me he and I "would always be together". LOL!
HOW HE COMMUNICATES WITH YOU
Negging: again, don't waste your time. Anyone with a weak enough character who tries to get with you by breaking down your self-esteem knows that he has nothing of substance to offer you.
Inconsistency: are the texts/ calls becoming less frequent? Is he no longer using a pet name? Unless he is undergoing a family or medical emergency, (and even then, he should TELL you), there is no excuse for this. Quite plainly, he is not valuing your time, and by extension, you. Withdraw, and let him demonstrate his interest; if there is an actual emergency, he will notice your absence and reach out. If this becomes a pattern, he's not serious. Walk away.
Flaking or being repeatedly late: If he can attend uni courses or hold down a job, he knows the importance of being punctual. If he's late once in a while, fine, but repeatedly falling through on plans, ESPECIALLY early on in dating, shows a lack of respect for you.
Low effort conversations: Texting "How are you", "Omg its so hot/cold here", "Good morning" and "Good night" repeatedly, even daily, are absolutely low effort. Unfortunately many women fall for this, thinking that by texting daily a man is showing effort; but you can program an alarm daily to say the exact same things. Don't fall for these thinly-veiled attempts at love-bombing/ forcing your emotional attachment. While you don't need to launch into a philosophical diatribe every time the two of you converse, he should be making an effort to have some deeper conversations with you.
Approach to sharing information about himself: A HVM will show genuine interest in getting to know you on a deeper level because he also doesn't want to waste his time if there is no compatibility. To that end, he will share information in appropriate stages while also inquiring respectfully about you. If a man only talks about himself, run. If a man only asks you questions about yourself, also run; this is a common fuckboy/ narcissistic tactic to find out what makes you tic and craft a persona to lovebomb, seduce and explot you.
Remebers details about you: does he tailor your dates and conversations to tidbits about you that he has picked up? A HVM will want to show you that he is taking note; the corollary of this is that he should remember what you two have NOT done. I had a man once keep waxing eloquent about this beautiful mini-golf date we had---- except we never had gone mini-golfing!! 🤣 Scrote told on himself that he was plating.
Defining the relationship: Everyone is different, but I personally give this a max of 3 months. If there is no concrete evidence of a relationship (him asking for exclusivity, him defining your relationship, a joint online presence, inviting you as a date to formal events or introducing you to friends and family) I would bounce.
RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHERS
Boundaries with female "friends"/ colleagues etc: Does he have a female "work bestie" who just seems too close? Is he often hanging out with them one on one, going to their places alone/ inviting them to his or traveling to see them? He knows what he's doing, and I doubt he would be okay with YOU behaving with your male friends the same way. While not having any female friends is a 🚩 in and of itself, any HVM worth his weight will respect his female friends by not treating them as a potential fleshlight; make no mistake, a man who is flirty with his female friends is neither respecting them nor interested in them as human beings. He's biding his time for when circumstances are optimal to hook up, or stringing them along for validation and attention.
Online/ Social Media Behavior: As a general rule, men who are very active on social media (assuming it's not needed for their job) are hunting for female validation. Who are his followers on instagram? You should expect to see a mix of family, men, women and couples; if there are droves of women FAR outnumbering men-- beware. Use your head sis; why is a supposedly straight men friends with so many more women over men? What exactly do they have in common 😒? Don't even get me started on multiple accounts or Finstas (fake instagram accounts). Snapchat in particular is another red flag, especially if he's not a high schooler. Telegram as well, unless he travels internationally frequently.
Past relationships and dating history: While you don't need to swap body counts pn a first date (none of his business) a man that never talks about his past relationships or what he looks for in a relationship is hiding something or avoiding commitment. A man who has had such astronomically bad luck as to have consistently "crazy" exes, well what's the common denominator lol? It's perfectly normal to wonder about his approach to relationships; don't let someone make you think you're paranoid or invasive for asking basic questions. If his past gfs are all significantly younger than him, all look a certain way or seem to have no defining features/ characteristics, take note.
The solution to encountering any one of these during early-stage vetting?
Walk away. Withdraw your attention. Don't argue, don't raise your voice, don't nag, because to men any form of attention from a woman (even negative!) is attention. If you hold him accountable and grill him, he will either (a) gleefully convince himself and others tht you are madly in love with him, and take pride in having driven you to this point or (b) apologize and contort himself to fulfill only the bare minimum of what you asked for so he can keep stringing you along. It won't be genuine, in either scenario. At this stage, they damn well know the difference between right and wrong; it is not your job to teach them. Your time is better spent prioritizing other men who are acting right or whose character is still an evolving picture.
Remember, your time and attention ARE the prize. All the redpillers/ MGTOW and INCELS pointing to the "sexual marketplace" and "what's natural" conveniently forget two things:
In nature, males pursue the females. Even biologically, sperm chase the egg, and the egg releases chemical signals allowing sperm to continue or desist
Males have the same ticking biological clock as females. Yes, both sperm and egg quality/ count go down by age 35. 1/3 of infertility cases in the US are due to the man, 1/3 to the women, and 1/3 to both or it remains unclear. (https://www.nichd.nih.gov/health/topics/infertility/conditioninfo/common#:~:text=About%209%25%20of%20men%20and,States%20have%20experienced%20fertility%20problems.&text=In%20one%2Dthird%20of%20infertile,both%20the%20man%20and%20woman.) So don't let anyone pressure you into jumping into anything just to reproduce, like you're at some sort of zoo; carefully think about the man you are selecting as a husband and father.
Best of luck ladies! Keep your head high. This is an iterative process, and you don't have time to waste on LVM/NVM.
Thank you for this guide. I only wonder about the female friends point - based on my experience, keeping a harem of women around is a sign of orbiting
I think the hardest one for me to respect is no coffee dates! I frequently get scared that I will lose out on a "good" man because I don't accept coffee dates, but this is right and a good reminder. We have the rules for a reason.
Very good post. Your point about empathy for women and also about his sense of humour and the media he consumes is a very good one. I've often confided in men about something bad that happened to me, only for them to laugh and make inappropriate jokes. At the time, I told myself "Maybe he just didn't know what to say and was trying to cheer me up" but now I realise, it's more likely to be a lack of empathy. These men were making jokes because my suffering was laughable to them. That's something I'll watch out for in future!
A woman was vlogging while she's almost due, already in the hospital gown, guess what the dude was doing? Texting, while the sister is paying attention to the bulging tummy, Men are so eager tp make women risk their lives for baby nr 4 yet they wonder why women want to divorce them.
This is what I'm here for! Love this post. And yes to the part about how he treats his sister. My older brother was super protective of me and girls used to swoon over it. But it was part of his image, and it was also weirdly incestual.
@MODS please put this is the handbook!!!!
BRAVO!! Well said!
Amazing post <3 Thank you for taking the time to write such a comprehensive vetting guide.