The Distaff Gospels (Les Evangiles des Quenouilles) is a collection of notes from late medieval French women’s sewing and spinning circles, first published in 1480. It is available today in book form with the original French next to English translations. It was originally marketed as a collection of women’s folk beliefs, but the folklore elements are largely satire as the contributing women had great senses of humour. “Distaff” refers to a tool used by women for spinning yarn, but the word also came to refer to women collectively and to your mother’s side of the family (the distaff side).
Half the gospels outline unacceptable behaviours from husbands. I thought you all might enjoy a selection of medieval FDS-like “gospels” and to see how men haven’t changed much in the centuries since it was written.
Some of the women were married seven or more times and weren’t putting up with abusive husbands or husbands with chronically limp dicks. Some of the elderly women revealed they still enjoy sex which shocks the younger women —there is a surprising amount of dick talk! Other sections point out men’s collective misogyny and complete disregard for women.
The saddest realization upon reading the text is that these women had almost no recourse against abusive and useless husbands other than running away —which is why most gospels suggest using religious fear and guilt to get their men to behave. Other gospels use surreptitious folk magic similar to American hoodoo to compel their men to behave.
Gospels Against Financial Abuse:
“I married my husband Josselin more for his good looks than his money because he was a poor fellow. Assuredly, he has squandered all of the goods which my previous husband struggled so hard to accumulate—I think it will be the death of me. And in this regard I say that it is as true as the gospel that the man who wrongfully wastes the possessions that come to him from his wife without her permission and against her wishes, will answer for this before God, as if he had committed theft.”
“There is truly no sorrow or torment like that of a woman whose husband goes and squanders his wealth elsewhere, especially when that wealth comes from her.”
Gospels for Men Who Don’t Include Wives in Decision Making:
“There is nothing more certain than that a husband who goes against what his wife advises and wishes him to do and who contradicts everything she says, is a false and disloyal perjurer.”
“It is the gospel truth that a man who does something without informing his wife is, in conscience, worse than a thief, for even a thief would not dare behave like that.”
Gospels Against Cheating:
“A man who cheats on his wife will never be respected. If his wife did the same thing, he would be responsible for both sins and she would be judged not guilty and not be punished.”
“If a woman wants to know for certain whether her husband is betraying her, she must watch to see if he spends a full lunar month without approaching her: then, if she suspects him, it is certainly not without reason.”
“If a married man goes around with the wife of his neighbour or any other married woman, he shuts the gates of paradise against himself and will not be able to enter, no matter how hard he knocks.”
Gospels Against Wife Beaters:
“A man who beats his wife for whatever reason, will never obtain the mercy of the Virgin Mary.”
“If it happens that a man beats his pregnant wife or tramples her with his feet, she will deliver with great difficulty, and often she is at risk of losing her life.”
“A man who abuses his wife is considered as worse than a murderer before God. This a man who regularly beats his wife and kills her will never obtain God’s forgiveness, nor will he ever become rich, and the children he has fathered with her are likely to end their lives in poverty.”
Love & Control Folk Magic:
“If a woman wants to be in control and not be beaten by her husband, she must take all his shirts and place them under the altar when the priest celebrates the passion on Friday. Then she must have him wear one on the following Sunday.”
”If a woman wants her husband to love all the children beyond measure, she must take all the children’s clear, clean urine and, without his knowledge, have him wash his face and hands in it for nine days.”
”When a woman wants to be well loved by her husband or her lover, she must give him catnip to eat: he will be so much in love with her that he will not rest unless she is close to him.”
”If a woman wants her husband or lover to love her passionately, she must put a walnut leaf, picked just before dawn on a midsummer’s night in his left shoe, and for sure, he will love her amazingly.”
“If you have a stubborn husband who refuses to give you the money you need, take the first knot of a wisp of wheat straw which has been picked near the ground on midsummer’s night while the dawn bell is ringing, and put it into the keyhole of the chest instead of the key, and it will open without fail.”
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Link to purchase book:
https://www.amazon.com/Distaff-Gospels-English-Évangiles-Quenouilles/dp/1551115603/
Thank you very much for the recommondation. Really loved the gospels. Shows men ain't shit in all centuries, and women knew it long before FDS.
What a delightful book and post! Reminds me of the lore I heard how medieval women reputedly pestered their husbands for sex - limp dick was never acceptable.
I absolutely love all of this wisdom!! Thank you, sis!
The catnip one was the funniest