I've been sitting on this thought for a while now before wanting to write about it. Some of my most painful romantic blunders in my life was going through the suspicion that a man was only with me because he could not get with a certain other woman in his life. Or that a woman could not let him go and would consistently overstep her boundaries within my relationship with him, and him also disrespecting me by going after her, despite me supposedly being ~the love of his life~.
I remember feeling ferociously jealous of ex-girlfriends. I remember feeling defensive when a so called female best friend made me feel inferior as opposed to the position she is in with his life. I recall always feeling suspicious of any new woman who suddenly shows up on our radar. I remember the devastation I would feel upon learning I was cheated on through women I have never met in my life before.
I always, always, always used to blame the other woman for the way my man acted. If it wasn't for her or women like her, my relationship could have been perfect.
But I think it's time I stop blaming her. It's time I write a letter of love, forgiveness, and more importantly, thankfulness, to the other woman.
You see, if it wasn't for the other woman, you may have gone through years in your relationship not suspecting that this man truly is not the one for you. It's almost funny, when you think about it. The times I have been through the ringer because of other women was when I was with men who had all sorts of things wrong with him; being with other women just attracts our attention the most because we are socialized to stay competitive against each other and fighting for moids who don't fucking deserve it.
It's because of the other woman, she has ripped the curtains and let the light shine on what's wrong with your relationship and why you are never, ever happy or satisfied: Him. He's the problem.
This isn't to say that it's okay for women to go around poaching for married men. It really isn't and it's LV behavior. But I think she deserves more positive recognition. How I vet now for this, is different than how I used to do. If I'm on a date with a new scrote and I pretend to look upset, he'll ask what's wrong. And then I'll make up a fake scenario that a good friend of mine is having a tough time with her boyfriend because apparently, he keeps spending so much time with an ex-gf/female best friend. From there, the new scrote will drop the bomb and tell you how HE would behave, or if he still has another woman that lingers in his life that keeps intruding in his relationships. ("I am still in contact with my ex-girlfriend and I even fix things around her house because she's had a hard life." 🙄) Men always have opinions on everything, so he'll expose himself as a man who either doesn't have exes in his life that he keeps close contact with, or not. If there's another important woman in his life, it's block + delete for me.
But afterwards, I will thank the other woman from the bottom of my heart. It is through her simple existence that tells me, "This man ain't shit and yeah, we're fucking on the down low. Find someone else.", that I can find a man who has much more stronger boundaries and won't put me through unnecessary stress and drama with triangulation.