A young FDS'er recently went through the cycle of suffering as a pick-me, learning about FDS and reading the handbook, and then calling herself 27 kinds of idiot for not knowing all this before.
Queens, WE HAVE TO START TALKING NICE TO OURSELVES. Otherwise you can stop using a man's behaviour to tell yourself you suck, and then just find the NEXT reason you suck.We all have a negativity bias. That's the human brain. But women are also taught to assume WE are the problem in any situation. Man treating us bad? Probably we need to do better to please him. Learn that we don't have to be a pick me? Probably we should call ourselves names for not already knowing.YOUR BRAIN WILL NOT START TREATING YOU WELL ON ITS OWN. We have to do it ON PURPOSE.Note this doesn't mean doing whatever you feel like and just giving in to every impulse. It means telling yourself, 'Hon, I think we'll feel better if we eat some veg' rather than, 'You always eat junk food, you piece of shit.' It means saying to yourself, 'Sweetie, I don't think looking for the next text from this man is doing us any good' rather than, 'Why can't I learn not be be a pick me, I fucking suck'. Here's what I recommend to start: Each morning, write down THREE THINGS you like about yourself. It could be as small as a good hair day or as big as being a totally awesome friend. Just start to wear a little groove in your brain for noticing HOW MUCH YOU DO NOT SUCK. And then when the next man comes along who is ready and willing to be the means for beating yourself up, you'll have built up some counter-evidence for yourself. You'll be able to say--I don't need to use this man treating me bad to confirm I suck. BECAUSE I DON'T FUCKING SUCK. Try a self-criticism fast. For 24 hours, challenge your negative thoughts about yourself. Try asking--is this thought really true? Is it useful? Who would I be without this thought?Tools for going further here: UFYB podcast, Brig Johnson IG, the book You are a Badass.