Good Femininity Content?

I don't have an answer to your YT question and femininity can be fun. But it can also be a trap, just like masculinity. In fact, a lot of women act masculine to "escape" the historical violence intrinsic in femininity. Like the fact that you have to suffer and sacrify your comfort to appear beautiful for the male gaze.

Also, think about the fact that refusing to perform femininity doesn't mean you are masculine. This a patriarchal notion: men are allowed to exist in their natural state, so when I do the same, I "must be a man/masculine". This just reinforce mysogyny within yourself.

At the end of the day, masculinity and femininity are social constructs, not natural states of being. I understand wanting to relax and feel good about yourself and your look, I think that's wonderful, but that's not inherently "feminine". You can achieve that in many different ways. Don't limit your options to what is seen as "traditionally feminine".

You ask where the line is. I think it's a great question. I think it's personal. For me it's comfort. I do what gives me comfort, physical and emotional, regardless if that's perceived as feminine or masculine. I do a lot of skincare because it gives me comfort. I don't do heels because, as much as they seem fun, they hurt and I don't sacrifice my comfort to perform gender. I find "bondage insipired" outfits aesthetically beautiful, but they give me intense emotional discomfort since they're designed to signal female submission so I don't wear them. You need to find your line.

not the answer you’re looking for so feel free to ignore but honestly I don’t believe that femininity is anything besides a set of gender stereotypes. I love to wear dresses and perfume and stuff as well because I like the style (but I still try to think about my choices beyond that ofc) but to me if you’re a woman then you are automatically “feminine” already, so I think you should be careful to not box yourself in from one gender stereotype to another and focus more on what would make you comfortable and happy. like people talk about “feminine” or “masculine” energy but by those standards I would be a man because I have body hair and talk loud and demand what I want. I don’t think any “energy” can be masculine or feminine because sex is something that’s innate and has clear phenotypic differences (and affects your life because of how men and women are socialized) while gender is just part of these stereotypes. in fact I actually wear heels very very often and I have a lot of bruises and blisters- they’re gruesome and I’m in a lot of pain. but when I started wearing shoes with comfy insoles so I would not trip my way to my classes I felt much better to sacrifice “style” for a second and just be comfortable. so while I could say that wearing heels made me feel good because it made me taller and therefore more attractive (based on another made up standard) in the end I had to really weigh the cost of the pain vs the benefit of comfortable shoes and it’s never worth the pain. I still like fashion a lot, don’t get me wrong, but my evolution with my wardrobe was similar- I stopped paying attention to trends and wearing uncomfortable cheap tight fitting clothing that cuts into my skin and takes 3 friends to peel off at the end of the day and started wearing stuff that actually fit my body and wasn’t overly restrictive and that alone made me feel way more attractive. So do what you want but don’t concern yourself over it too much, because you’ll never be happy chasing something that was basically created by patriarchy

Do you know who you are? What is your style? What makes you feel good on the inside? What kind of fabric do you like touching your skin? What kind of colours do you like? Why do you want to be feminin? Why not just be yourself?

I watch femininity videos (like Anna Bey) as communication theory. You don’t have to commit to any of it. You can try it out and throw away anything that doesn’t work for you.

Seriously though, if you dig below the surface a bit a lot of femininity videos are communication styles that American women (especially white feminist women) have not been exposed to…Eg, Western American women feel that they need to argue with men and take up space in traditionally men’s environment’s. I love divestment strategy. Chloe, Anna Bey, et al are pro women and advocating that women leverage the little power that we do have. They encourage assertiveness vs aggressiveness.

I really like their emphasis on non verbal communication. I often find ”white feminist” aligned women to be very pushy - they think they are being direct. And they often dont pick up on subtlety and social cues. And I loathe the “be vulnerable” therapy trope because it just comes off as messy.

So, it's not really an influencer or anything- but a way I found that worked to shake me out of my hyper independence was to do self-parenting work (I think it's a little different from inner child work but I'm not 100% sure how to explain how- just you get different exercises depending on the phrase you search for, so search for self-parenting). That helped me to practice prioritizing caring for myself in a way that didn't alienate me from the parts of myself I perceive as weak- so I began to let go of unrealistic standards for myself and not shame myself for not achieving things. (I can only do 3 things a day, and one of them is work, and one of them is eating 🤷‍♀️ it just be like that). Learning to not hate my perceived weaknesses has ironically been really strengthening- bc I know I will be ok eventually, it just might take me a while to get there. And I'm at the point where I'm starting to try to learn to love learning again (I'm struggling hard w the discipline rn). It's trying bc it does throw me back into my achievement mindset of hyper independence- where I don't think I can start something and be bad at it in the beginning. Idk, maybe I misunderstood your question, but apart from personal style I didn't find much meaning in influencer culture. Miss Manners covers etiquette far better tbh

It can be difficult, especially on YouTube, to see the difference between femininity coaching that has a misogynistic pickme or trad wife agenda and the feminine aesthetic that is currently trending.

I recommend fashion/style youtubers and bloggers over specifically femininity coaching focused ones. Some very feminine youtubers to enjoy include Audrey Coyne, Cocobeautea, Dearly Bethany, Freddy My Love, Lydia Tomlinson, and What to Wear.

I never really understood why people on the internet couched this dichotomy as a matter of masculinity vs. femininity. It seems to run the risk of conflating obviously good things (e.g. being compassionate, receptive, creative etc.) with patriarchal brainwashing (e.g. engaging in self-objectification, giving all your money and time to corporations like Sephora, ultimately still striving for male approval by making yourself more "feminine" and attractive while being in denial about it, etc.). The risk seems to be that you start off accepting the pretty reasonable stuff, but then because it's bundled with all the latter pick-me stuff, you end up back in the jaws of patriarchal nonsense.

Not about “femininity”, but “plain ol’ fashion”:

https://youtube.com/c/Karolina%C5%BBebrowskax

Try Deborah Cooper's channel.