Post-breakup, I started having lower moments where I wondered how much of the relationship ending was because of me. Not in the sense that I thought I should have tried harder or tried something different, because I do know that I exhausted all my options.
But I wondered, what was inherently wrong with me that I just wasn't enough for him? If I was different, if I was someone else, if I was more beautiful or more interesting or had a completely different personality, would he have tried harder? Would he have wanted to try? Would he have actually changed his behavior for me? And I know that's not something I could have ever done anything about, but it felt bad nonetheless.
Then I realized: He was happiest with the version of me that required almost no effort from him. When I was someone who didn't make him think about difficult things, question things, or examine things. When I was someone who didn't ask for anything from him and never expressed my needs or wants. When I was someone who was willing to settle for nothing and never look to better either of us.
Our relationship ending was not because I didn't have the "correct" body or personality for him; it was because I became someone who refused to let him coast any longer.
He always wanted to get to a point where he could put in the lowest possible amount of effort. He put in a huge effort when he was first trying to get me to date him. I finally agreed, he claimed he "won" (his exact words which he repeated countless times), and near immediately abandoned all said efforts.
There's no reason for me to think it would be different with a "woman who's better suited for him". He just doesn't want to put in effort if he can help it at all.
The only woman who could get his effort continuously is just someone who enforces consequences when he stops. It will never be because he himself continuously desires to put in the effort. It will not be internally motivated.
My consequence for him was dumping him, and I no longer want his effort at all. Good riddance, bye!!