How to accept that he's just not that in to me?

DO. NOT. CRUSH. ON. MEN. Never develop crushes for men! It invariably leads to pickme behaviour and frankly it's unnatural. Women do not CRUSH, they CHOOSE and SELECT. Even if this guy was giving you his full attention, the relationship would already be doomed by you having already chosen him before he could consistently court you and prove himself, which would lead to scarcity mindset, oneitis, relaxed standards, sunk costy fallacies and so on, while you should instead sit back, observe detachedly and let him always love you more than you love him. It's the ONLY way women can benefit in relationship with males.

Every day someone here on FDS writes about some "crush" or just some men they "like" and I'm like, that's not it. Dating is not symmetrical. You don't LIKE men. Men COURT you, men PROVE THEMSELVES to you and provide BENEFITS to you, and you have the job of CHOOSING the one who benefits you the most. Any other man should be completely INVISIBLE to you, at least in a romantic sense.

It could be tempting to say stuff like "But I can't control my feelings" or "crushes are natural", but it's just crap we're conditioned to accept uncritically. Once you REALLY internalize the above paragraph you wouldn't even dream of developing a crush and you will become unable to. A lot of people should take a long break from dating and use that time to internalize FDS as a lifestyle and a set of values first and foremost.

Crushes and even unrequited love are an inevitable part of being human. We meet men and feel an attraction to them, and that's okay. It will happen. But we often cause ourselves unnecessary pain by beginning to daydream about a man or idealizing him, developing an intense desire for him to reciprocate what we feel when it's clear he does not. Don't rationalize anything he is doing. Listen to your intuition that tells you he isn't interested or putting in effort. His actions have told you everything you need to know. Mixed signals only cause you confusion and pain. Any man who you're meant to be with will show clear interest. He'll see your value. Build yourself up, say positive affirmations, feel pity for this man that he could have had you and he missed out. How sad that he can't see what a wonderful and beautiful woman you are. Don't let him have space in your head. Don't attach your worth to this man's lack of interest and validation. Let him go so that you can make room for the man who will love and adore you and send you clear signals of interest. Don't waste another minute on someone who is not worthy of you.

There is no such thing as mixed signals!

if he was into you then you would know. Men don’t fuck about when they are into you. They want to get you off the market because they do know when they see someone they want to have a relationship with, and consider that woman as a rare find.

keep this in mind for if he pursues you down the line. It means he was entertaining other options. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you though, most men do this kinda thing because they feel entitled to whichever lady they ”decide” on. a Lot of men think we are just waiting around for them. Never let a man circle back to you.

I think what helps is to reframe your thoughts about this. By trying to think “accept that he’s just not that into me” there is subconscious place where we put the man on a pedestal and that his opinion of us is more important than ours.

You are a wonderful and irreplaceable woman and you have this found this space to be able to level up and become a better woman each and everyday. Remind yourself this every single day. When you’re thoughts and feelings start to go to “crush mode” say to yourself- “I’m an irreplaceable, wonderful woman how could I be with a man who cannot recognize and put in great effort to prove that HE is worthy of me”.

Spend time and in spaces that serve you, it might help distancing yourself from him and any time you happen to run into him. Have audacity and see and put yourself on this pedestal. At the end of the day he is just a man. No matter how “amazing” we think he is- he is just a a man. And the more we decenter men the more we can look at them more objectively and only give our time and attention to the ones courting and proving themselves that they are worthy and want to be that person adding happiness to our lives.

I’ve been where you and through this space I’ve been able to take steps to not crush on men. You’re on your way there Queen ❤️

It’s not too little time to know. You’re gaslighting yourself because reality isn’t the outcome you desired. He’s giving the attention you want to other women, or even worse, no one at all. Go out to fun places and get to flirting.

it's not little time unfortunately

my experience is that if you dont know where you stand, it's over

what helps is to go on a lot of dates: men are not that deep and their behavior becomes extremely predictable when your sample size is big enough to identify patterns

read this over & over & over again.

My way was always that I would notice a guy and think oh he’s cute, and I eventually learned to stop there: don’t crush, don’t project, no pedestals, no approach. And if he wanted to, he would; my being open and receptive was the first step; he had to make the second step. Then it was judging how he spoke, how he smelled, all the verbal and non-verbal cues to see if I wanted to go from there. Again, we choose. They pursue and win us over, in time. And we vet constantly as they should as well.

I'm sure he likes you. But only as a friend. You are right. If he wanted to, he would. The fact that he doesn't go out of his way to ask questions about you, the fact that he's not being very communicative or reaching out to you first enough, the fact that it's hot one day and cold the next, the fact that he's making you feel so confused and off kilter...

He's just not that into you. I'm sorry.

I love how others have noted that you can try to reframe the situation: instead of trying to accept that he didn't let you have what you desired (affection, attention), try to accept that he is not able to court and eventually love you properly. HE is the "deficient" one in this scenario if he can't recognize your worth. I know it's baffling to see men pass up on the opportunity to be with a smart, funny and beautiful woman, but oh well, most men suck. Also, many people, no matter their gender, are secretly not ready for healthy and fulfilling love and are still operating from a place of attachment trauma, for example by chasing what they can't have. They wouldn't even be able to notice when their perfect match came along, because they're still wired to look for what feels familiar, not necessarily what is healthy. Other times, it's just a matter of bad timing, or the spark just not being there even if everything fits on paper. This man was not ready for you and what you had to give for whatever reason, and that's that.

0) Leave him TF alone and do something else. 1) Get your very nice stationary and pen and write: "He's just not that into me" 100 times by hand. Cursive is okay but capital letters are better. 3) Stand in front of a mirror in your best hairstyle and makeup and repeat: "He's just not that into me" 100 times. You can say it after you've dolled yourself up. 4) Finally, you must record yourself typing letter-for-letter, word-for-word: "He's just not that into me" 100 times. Screen recording is the best option IMO. You must post the video here for us to see in normal speed. No editing allowed. Will having cramped hands and being tired of talking and typing will bring said point across? I am half-kidding here. I hope you will get it sooner rather than later.

sooo: give us feedback after 3 weeks! @sweetpea

ask him several time to go out dont know cinema or drinks and based on his behaviour you would know

tell me resuslts, I am curious!