So I've met a HVM following all the FDS rules: he's initiated and planned all three of the very good dates, has been respectful, kind, polite. There is chemistry; I like him. We had our third date on Sunday, today is Wednesday and I have not heard from him. I thanked him and told him that I'd had a nice time at the end of the date, because I consider it good manners, so there is no ambiguity. He does not text much inbetween dates, but I like this because it does create a false sense of realtionship. He's intentional. This three days is the longest it's been without any communication. My GFS are all encouraging me to "ask him out for a change" and "message him first for once". One even said I was behaving like a "1950's housewife" by being so passive !!! I have not had to instigate a conversation or date with him so far. Looking for some strong support here....
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Women here have got to stop labelling men HVM when they are not. There is no such thing as "He's an HVM, but". The "but" negates the HVM. An HVM would never confuse you. Your future husband would never do this to you.
Leave him be. Under no circumstance should you initiate contact.
If he doesn’t text you in one week, block and delete. I think one week is being quite generous already.
You’ve done well so far. Remember to be ruthless.
If he went quiet he is not HVM, He went quiet because you didn't give him what he wanted mostly it's sex or you already gave him what he wanted.
A HVM would let you know that you're not what he is looking for and he thanks you for your time and moves on.
Leave it alone and be happy that he didn't waste your time.
So many "HVm" went cold for mentioning that I don't do hook ups or allow men on the husband privilege for free.
I don't care, they are just upset that I'm not easy access.
If he was really interested, he would never put himself in a position where he could lose you.
I fail to see how standing one's ground could ever be considered 'passive'. Pfft. Continue to stand your ground and if he has indeed disappeared after three dates, let him stay disappeared. He's not worth chasing.
i know this situation can generate anxiety and your friends are not helping. don't second guess yourself and don't assume a man is HV after 3 good dates. there is much more to being HV than that. he could be testing you to see if you'll "give back" after these dates. thing is, all you can do is wait to see if he'll contact you. if he doesn't in a few days, it's over, move on. if he does, keep vetting.
It takes about three years to really get to know someone. Not three dates.
Him already not messaging in between is sus behaviour. I’d be thinking he’s expecting you to pull some weight emotionally which means he’s playing games. Husbands don’t risk losing great women.
dump your GFs
Since your "friends" are not 100% in tune with your belief system, I would recommend going NC for good. Clearly none of them are on your level.
"For a change" and "for once" imply that you have a years-long history of demonstrated patterns of repeated behaviors of "always" "making" him ask you out. Obviously this is bullshit because you've just met this man. He should be making all of the effort in the beginning of a relationship -- for months, until you're exclusive -- and it's your job to respond with appreciation of his effort. Your friends are wrong.
Has he initiated any contact since you posted? (I do agree with the others though, that it's been too long already)